Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Don't worry if today you can't do everything, it doesn't matter if you still can't get up: taking your time is legitimate and necessary.
Broken people have bits of life that can be infected and that hurt when walking, breathing and even thinking. Rest, start mourning, embrace your wounds, because little by little you will feel your body lighter and your mind stronger.
Albert Ellis used to say that one of the automatisms we put into practice every time we suffer a disappointment, a loss or a traumatic event is to blame ourselves. Likewise, often we project on us a kind of "contempt" because we are not able to manage our life, to find the right momentum to get up in the morning, the courage to face certain situations and circumstances.
Take your time to heal, what is necessary. Because it is a journey in which no one knows what the arrival date will be, but we will certainly arrive at the next station: that of calm, inner peace and well-being.
It's like we want to run after a sprain. We get angry because we are in pain and are unable to go as fast as our mind would like. We neglect that in that foot there is a lesion that needs to be treated, that we need rest, treatment and, above all, to become aware of the fact that for a while we will not be able to walk, much less run.
Take your time, but make good use of it
You have to take your time, what you need and not what is imposed by others. Because everyone has their own rhythm, everyone needs their guidelines, their strategies, their inner awakenings and those external aids to stick to and work on every day. Understanding this is essential because nowadays, whether we like it or not, we have some misconceptions that prevent us from starting an authentic healing process.
As explained in an interesting work published in the journal "Perspectives on Psychological Science", in recent years the idea has taken hold that people are resilient by nature. We are often told that time heals everything and that we just have to let our brain act, allowing this inner strength to gradually emerge with which all stress factors dissolve, with which to overcome any adverse situation.
Is a mistake. Time itself does not cure and we do not have an autopilot capable of taking action to guide us along the path of resilience.. What the researchers of this work tell us is that believing these ideas plunges us into a context of real psychological passivity, which makes us hopelessly plunge into quicksand waiting for a cure that never comes.
Ideas we should stop believing about psychological healing
Popular psychology, as well as certain spiritual aspects, tends to make misconceptions flourish in us that are far removed from what the research really says. Believing many of these concepts can hinder our psychological healing and, therefore, we must pay attention to some of these myths. Are the following.
- Time heals everything (false) ⇔ Healing depends on what we do during this time.
- Each bereavement lasts three months (false) ⇔ Each person needs some time to deal with a romantic loss or breakup.
- Strong people overcome everything (false) ⇔ What is meant by strong people? Labeling a person as "strong" can force them to feel better as soon as possible and this is dangerous.
- We are all resilient (false) ⇔ resilience must be exercised, developed, refined and individualized according to our characteristics and needs. It is not a spontaneous awakening, it is a profession that must be learned and put into practice in everyday life and not only in the moments when we need it most.
Take your hibernation time to heal
We said this at the beginning taking Albert Ellis as a reference: people get angry with themselves when they don't get well right away, when they don't run as fast as they would like, when they can't be the same as always. If so, it is because we live in a world where we are urged to always feel good, to always be functional, to sell the image of sparkling and dazzling happiness.
However, life does not have Instagram filters, we cannot improve our mood with a "click". This task requires time, work and above all a deliberate approach. Therefore we describe two simple strategies to achieve this goal.
- Take your time for hibernation. It is not about sleeping and being isolated, but about applying one of the benefits of this physiological process that animals use: saving energy. If your body can't take it anymore, if your mind is exhausted, rest, stop giving priority to others, put aside external noise to satisfy your inner needs.
- Take your time to heal. What is needed and not what is imposed by others. You must understand that healing is not a journey with a departure date and an arrival date, it is a process, a walk without comfort. in which there is no need to look at the landscape or what surrounds us: the gaze is turned to our being.
Last but not least, we must not forget that in this healing process it is good not to give up company. Good travel companions must be chosen. Choosing a good professional to guide us in this process will make it easier for us and will help us understand that before we go back to running free, once again, we must first learn to walk again.
Succeeding is possible, getting there will take your time, but we will achieve that goal.
