Last update: 01 March, 2015
We usually think that it is others who arouse negative emotions in us, such as anger, hatred, frustration and pain, but in reality what very often hurts us is ourselves.
When something bothers you, it means that there is something to improve within you. Stop and think when you feel bad and think it was another person who caused it. Analyze your opinion on what you have been told and you will probably see how critical you are with yourself.
For example, think about which parts of your face or body you like; if someone makes you negative comments about one of these parts, there will be no negative reaction. It is obvious, because you like these parts and you give more credit to your opinion than to that of others.
Conversely, if they tell you something negative about a part of your body that you don't like, you're sure to have a negative reaction. Therefore, it is not others who harm you, but it is you who, not having a positive opinion about these parts of the body, let yourself be bothered by the fact that someone else's idea coincides with yours..
In reality, if there is something that bothers you, it is that someone has expressed these negative opinions that you have about yourself and that you may have kept hidden to avoid them, but that if expressed by others they make you feel bad.
Accept yourself as you are, be aware of both the positive and the negative sides
Many people believe that focusing on the good points and forgetting the flaws improves their self-esteem. This is not true, but it is just a way of avoiding the negative. What is avoided is not analyzed and accepted, but remains hidden within ourselves, with the risk that one day someone may attack us precisely on this weakness of ours that we have not accepted.
It is okay to strengthen our qualities and leave defects to one side, but that does not mean forgetting them completely and burying them. We have to accept our negative sides, otherwise we will be emotionally weak.
It is best to put them aside, but to accept them so that whatever we are told will not hurt us because we will have such an elaborate opinion about ourselves that it will prevail over that of others.
Personal acceptance in all areas is vital for inner peace. Almost all emotional and self-esteem problems are caused by a lack of personal acceptance.
We all have our strengths and weaknesses
A mistaken belief is to believe that everything must be a virtue. We all have strengths and weaknesses, no one is exempt. We are not perfect, but each one shows what they like best.
If you learn to accept it, you will not blame yourself for your faults. Accept them as something we all have and take advantage of your qualities.
The next time someone makes you feel bad remember that you are the ones who produce these negative emotions through your thoughts, so reflect and understand that if something is bothering you there is most likely an element to change or accept.
Do criticisms hurt you?
Changing the example, imagine that you are 40 and still living with your parents. You would like to be independent, but you are in a bad economic situation and you don't see how this can be done. If your parents tell you that you will not succeed, especially with the current crisis that makes it difficult for everyone to find work, and you realize that this bothers you and that this comment weighs you particularly, it makes you angry and makes you feel emotions negative, this will be due to the fact that The inner opinion you have about this situation is the same as your parents' opinion.
In reality, no one has attacked you by criticizing you, but it is you yourself who harm yourselves with your opinions.
Imagine that you have received this observation from your parents, but that for your part you are sure to find a job and to be able to move in a short time. Would this comment make you angry and so bad? Probably not, because inside you do not share the point of view of your parents, therefore their judgment enters you in one ear and comes out of the other.
If we are able to understand this, our life will have a turning point. Nobody hurts us, nobody makes us angry, we are ourselves, everything is in our mind and in our personal opinions.
So trust yourself, life, luck and your abilities. Love yourself and, above all, accept both your strengths and your faults.
Image courtesy of: Daniel Rocal
