Last update: April 17, 2015
Communication is one of the most important elements in a couple; whether it goes well or badly, completing it satisfies both members of a relationship. Good communication, therefore, is a guarantee of a satisfying relationship with a future, while poor communication in practice ensures the failure of a couple not far away.
In this sense it is very important both the content of the communication and the way of transmitting it and the context in which it takes place. It's not the same as saying "stupid" with an angry face and shouting as with a seductive, whispering expression. On the other hand, it's not the same as saying "you're a mess!" what to say "Honey, next time be more careful when you enter the house after stepping on the ground!".
It's important:
1.- Don't be left with doubt. Ask several times when you don't understand what your partner is saying.
2.- Don't interpret. Our language needs no interpretation. It is for non-native speakers. Interpretations are subjective and are tinged with the meaning they are given and probably when you do, you are based on the ideas and emotions they bring to you.
3.- Don't maximize. Remember that people are unique and have free will.
4.- Don't project. Don't project your dreams and hopes onto the other, they are yours.
5.- Take a break. If you are angry, stop for a moment. Ask yourself, "What evidence is there of what I think?"
6.- Don't use the mind reader. No one person can read another's mind. Having known a person for a long time does not grant you the power to know their thoughts and emotions. Do not forget to remove the temptation to interpret everything according to the meaning it arouses in you.
7.- Remember the goal of the communication. It is about forming a channel through which people can convey their emotions, feelings and thoughts. To do this, active listening is necessary: ​​to be genuinely interested, to ask at the right time. Do not judge.
8.- Be empathetic. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and then go back to your place and take action. It is not thinking in the place of the other. How would you like to be treated? This is empathy. Act as we would like others to do.
9.- Recognize. Obsessive ideas are the path that culminates in a psychiatric disorder, which derives from paranoid ideas and, in some cases, psychosis. Suspect, without evidence, that everything that is said is against us, that people want to make us suffer. It is a clear sign of the need for professional help and not of having to cling to your ego and fight to be right.
10.- Averting the catastrophism. Always waiting for the worst is one of the main ways to close the communication channel badly.
Finally, perhaps the last and probably the most important ingredient remains: intention. When you talk to your partner, do it with the intention of building, with the desire to feel better once the conversation is over; you will probably receive just this at the end, as if there were a mirror.
Image courtesy of gpointstudio
