The archetype of the Lover

Mysterious and powerful forces are hidden within each of us. Developing the lover archetype means being able to access and use them to our advantage.

“I am an extraordinary lover. I practice a lot by myself. "

Woody Allen.

This is the third post in a miniseries of articles dedicated to archetypes of the adult human being. If you haven't done so yet, I strongly recommend that you read theintroductory article in which the model of the archetypes, the origins and its importance for your maturation process is explained. After reading the entire mini-series, don't forget to do the test to discover your dominant archetype.

After a short break dedicated to meditation, we return today to talk about archetypes and we do it with the archetype of the Lover. According to Moore, the author of the book these posts are inspired by (King, Warrior, Magician, Lover), each archetype tends to manifest itself at different stages in a human's life. The Lover archetype is particularly important because it is the first adult archetype that we mature. This archetype (as we will see shortly) embodies idealism, the revolutionary spirit and the typical enthusiasm of young men and young women.

But before talking about the archetype of the Lover in its full and complete expression, let's see itschild archetype: a key step in our maturation process.

The child archetype: Oedipus

100 euros that as soon as you read the word "Oedipus", you immediately thought of the Oedipus complex, and its female analogue: the Electra complex. These two behaviors were studied and analyzed, first by Freud and later by Jung, and indicate the repressed sexual desires of adolescents towards parents of the opposite sex.

Here, these "complexes" have nothing to do with a club witharchetype of Oedipus, or rather, they do not fully do it justice. The lover's child archetype certainly has an unbridled desire, but not for his biological mother, but rather for the broader concept of "Mother": Mother Nature, Pangea, Gaia, Aphrodite, Mary. Throughout history, numerous cultures have had one female sacred figure reference, which symbolized concepts such as: fertility, creation, intuition, harmony with nature. Coming up to the present day, films like Avatar are chock full of these concepts (the planet Pandora, the bond between the indigenous people and nature, etc.).

In short, our baby lover is a idealist which strenuously defends its freedom of expression, is a ecologist who seeks harmony with Mother Nature, and finally, is a artist which celebrates the power of imagination and intuition. But above all else, the child lover continually tries to relate: to himself, to get to know himself better; to the world around him, to be one with the universe; but above all try to relating to others.

However, even these positive impulses, if not correctly addressed, can turn into shadows ...

The Lover's child archetype has two shadows:

• At one extreme we have the Mammon. The Mammon instead of directing its energy towards the universal archetype of the "Mother", directs it towards its biological mother, and, over the years, towards other women who will gradually replace the biological mother. Mammon continually seeks the approval of his chosen mother, he never wants to disappoint her and renounces his own goals and ambitions in order not to hurt the sensitivity of the "mother". The same goes for women, who deny themselves to submit to the will of the "family of origin". This shadow is particularly widespread in our country: out of necessity, but too often for convenience, mammons renounce their independence and their maturation, without ever detaching the umbilical cord that binds them to the parent.
• At the other extreme we have the Dreamer. The Dreamer might appear to be a "positive" archetype, but his extreme idealism leads him to isolate himself from reality (and from other people), making him continually take refuge in his fantasies. The Dreamer lives in a world of his own, where there is no room for comparison with other people: he never matures those social skills necessary to make him a mature human being.

The correct maturation of the Oedipus archetype arises above all from a balanced relationship with his own family, a relationship that is neither dependent nor submissive. This passage is concretely realized through theabandonment of the “family nest". Translated in plain English: if you are 35 years old and you are still at your parents' house, you have to unravel !!! Yes it's true, there is a crisis and the mother who cooks you lunch and dinner is a great convenience, but la freedom always has a cost and until you learn to accept it you can never consider yourself an adult.

The other essential element to mature the archetype of Oedipus and Electra, and subsequently that of the lover, lies in the opportunity to fully express one's own impulses (artistic, ecological, idealistic). Do not deny your passions, give breath to your artistic vein, cultivate your talents. But above all else, learn to express yourself with others, in short: learn to relate to others. In practice this translates into the ability to cultivate those social skills that will make you a complete human being. In one of the very first GetPersonalGrowth articles I dealt with the the 6 key social skills.

But now let's see the Lover archetype in its full and complete expression.

The adult archetype: the Lover

The word lover immediately brings to mind concepts such as romance, seduction and amorous passion. In reality, this archetype embodies much deeper values: his love is not tied exclusively to one person, the lover loves the "vita" and his pleasures, the lover likes to live in the midst of people, the lover loves himself. So let's see what are the key characteristics of this archetype:

• Self esteem. As seen, the Lover loves first of all himself. This does not mean that he is selfish, far from it. Loving yourself means knowing your strengths and accepting your weaknesses in the knowledge that you can improve them. Loving yourself is the necessary condition to love others and fully appreciate life. Loving yourself is the first step to develop the self-esteem of a superhero.
• Pursuit of pleasure. The Lover fully enjoys the pleasures of life: good food, art, music, the pleasures of love. The pursuit of pleasure is the compass that guides the Lover in all his choices. This does not mean that he only gives vent to his instincts. The Lover wishes to give meaning and to live with intensity every moment of his existence.
• Sensuality. In common usage, the term sensuality is linked exclusively to seduction and attraction. By studying its etymology we discover that sensual is what is related to the senses. Sensuality can therefore be interpreted as the ability to experience life in all its nuances, through the 5 senses. The Lover is constantly looking for new experiences and this drive towards the new creates around him (and her) an aura of charm that few can resist.

"Sensuality is the permanent possibility of redeeming the world from the imprisonment of its insignificance."

NGDávila.

• Idealism. Living your life to the full pushes the Lover to marry causes worth fighting for. Not infrequently, those who identify with the archetype of the Lover engage in politics, volunteering or social work.
• Creativeness. Great artists are by definition lovers: only those who unconditionally love the object of their art can define themselves as a true artist. This means that cultivating the archetype of the lover in one's life leads us to have moments of pure inspiration and creativity more and more frequently.
• Interpersonal skills. Over the years, the Lover has developed the ability to immediately get in "contact" with others. In practice, this translates into a set of characteristics typical of the Lover archetype: the ability to listen, empathy and the natural leadership.

Interesting this Lover, right? Yet, even this archetype is not all roses and if not properly developed, it can give rise to shadows ...

the shadows of the Lover

La pursuit of pleasure is one of the salient features of the Lover archetype, but pleasure is a double-edged sword. In this article I have reported some reflections about it that may interest you: "The difference between pleasure and happiness".

And it is precisely an unbalanced relationship with pleasure that feeds the Lover's shadows:

• On the one hand we have theHedonist, who, like a drug addict, is constantly looking for new experiences, for ever more extreme experiences of pleasure, for experiences that are able to appease the flame that burns him from within. An excellent example of a Hedonist is the protagonist of “The Great Gatsby“, a book that I strongly recommend you to read.
• On the other side we have the eternal Dissatisfied, that is, the one who has lost all enthusiasm for life, the one who no longer finds satisfaction in anything and constantly oscillates between depression and boredom.

How to avoid these shadows and fully develop the Lover archetype? Here are some practical tips.

Practical actions to become a Lover

As seen forarchetype of the Warrior, speaking of rules to "absorb" these thought patterns is wrong. This does not mean that there are no actions, habits and behaviors to develop these archetypes in one's life.

That said, not everyone might be fascinated by the Lover archetype. After all, our society has taught us not to express our emotions and to repress artistic veins that are not in line with the needs of society itself. Yet, since ancient times, the great men and women of history have been able to leverage emotions for achieve success. Ultimately you can never aspire to achieve ambitious goals if you do not learn to make the fire of emotion burn in your chest. Here are some practical ideas to start from:

1. Find time to enjoy the pleasures of life. Whether it's good food, music you adore or anything else that pleases you, always find, throughout the day, time to dedicate yourself to the little pleasures of life. In this post I have reported some of my favorites, if you like, continue the list by adding yours: even just writing about them has beneficial effects on our mind.
2. Learn to savor life. Enjoying the little pleasures in life is not enough. Learn to do it with all of yourself, with all your senses. If you love drinking coffee in the morning, don't rush it while writing a message on What's Up: savor every single sip, breathe in the aroma, feel the heat descend into your body and the energy surface right on your skin. Learn to fully live every single experience: fewer experiences, but deeper.
3. Develop your passions. Whether it's a hobby or an artistic activity, don't put them aside in your life by labeling them as a waste of time. This is what led you to think of a company that would take us like so many toy soldiers who diligently carry out their work: but this is not our destiny. I love to write and I love self improvement. This "hobby" has allowed me to create real sources of passive income. Never underestimate our passions: they always hide the best surprises.
4. Get inspired. This is true for all archetypes: modeling so dear to NLPs works. Be inspired by the great seducers and artists of history, read their biographies, their works: Hemingway could be a good starting point.
5. Immerse yourself in nature. Nature is the ideal place to get in touch with our creativity and our oldest instincts. If you can't do it every day, take advantage of it on the weekend. Heck, being in the middle of nature also helps you to increase memory!
6. Learn the art of seduction. As seen, the Lover is not just romance and sensuality, but these elements are undoubtedly an integral part of the archetype. Personally, I don't think seduction is a set of rules to win over who we want. No. Seduction starts with an important work on ourselves. Our charm naturally transpires as we become better people, more centered people, confident people. However, I do not consider myself an expert on the subject. If you want to learn more about seduction, I recommend these 2 resources: Ilaria Cardani's guest post "How to seduce a man"And the guide by Marco alias Reborn dedicated to male seduction"Instant Attraction".

Thus we conclude this second in-depth article on the archetypes of the adult human being. In the next episode we will talk about the Mago, an archetype to which I am very attached together with the Warrior archetype.

One last thing before saying goodbye: it is natural that each of us identifies with one archetype rather than another, but fully developing one's maturity means absorbing the positive traits of all 4 archetypes. This aspect is of fundamental importance. Have a good week. GetPersonalGrowth.

Click and read the other articles in this mini-seriese

• Warrior, Lover, Mage and King: discover your archetype
• The archetype of the Warrior
• The archetype of the Magician
• The archetype of the King
• Test: find out your dominant archetype