Last update: June 16, 2016
Who has never had one of those impossible loves that exists only within us? Precious and idealized, they can be made of porcelain and crumble in an instant. And we know that most likely they will never be realized. Less frequent, on the other hand, is the case of “opposed” loves, that is to say those that have been paid but which, due to different circumstances of life, we are not allowed to enjoy.
Often in everyday language we confuse these two situations and say that they are all "impossible loves", but the truth is that it is not the same thing. These are two types of love that have different characteristics and that have to do with emotions and circumstances that go beyond the mere feeling of love, as we will see.
The bitterness of impossible loves
The first type of love that hurts us is impossible love: love that we can feel for someone, but that is not reciprocated. Why can it really be defined as impossible? it must be a love that can never be reciprocated, because that person does not have the same feelings as us.
“What so much gene calls loving consists in choosing a woman and marrying her. They choose it, you swear, I've seen it done. As if she could choose herself in love, as if it were not a ray that breaks your bones and leaves you like a pole in the middle of the courtyard. "
-J. Cortázar-
In these cases it is customary to say that the person we fall in love with is the only one capable of making us feel two completely different emotional conditions: we see her as the one who can give us all the happiness we need and, at the same time, as the one who takes it away from us, because that happiness would only really come if love were reciprocated.
Impossible loves bring with them a constant feeling of malaise and sadness: we cannot avoid feeling what we feel, but we cannot express it as we would like. And, for this very reason, the pain intensifies when we imagine what it would be like if our love were mutual.
The bitterness of "disappointed" loves
Along a line parallel to impossible loves, there are those loves that the writer Gabriel GarcĂa Márquez defined as "disappointed loves" in his novel Love in the Time of Cholera. He was referring, in this case, to that feeling that hurts us even if it is reciprocated, because due to circumstances external to lovers, it will hardly materialize.
In other words, displeased love is a perfect love that will probably never come true, for the most diverse reasons: incompatibility, family pressures, friendships we don't want to ruin, fear of emotional dependence, etc. It is a tragic love, just like that of Romeo and Juliet.
"It was inevitable: the smell of bitter almonds always reminded him of the fate of disappointed loves."
-Gabriel GarcĂa Marquez-
This love is said to be the worst of all, because those who love will feel deeply frustrated and think "I want it, we want it, but we can't". Both lovers know that the other person is the only one who can understand and complete them, the only one who loves them for who they are. But yet, neither of the two protagonists of this love can find a way to get around the obstacles.
Disliked loves are characterized above all by the sense of helplessness, which turns into suffering on both sides. They know that "for my sake, for your sake, for the circumstances" their paths have crossed, but it will be difficult for them to join.
The difference from platonic love
As we have seen, if love is not reciprocated or if it cannot be realized, it will always be bitter love. But what happens with loves that do not go beyond idealization? We are talking about Platonic loves, which we want to mention in order to differentiate them from the other two categories.
Even these loves do not enter the world of Valentine's Day because, unlike impossible or contrary loves, they are not entirely real. That's right: they remain confined to the world of imagination, they are not true loves because they don't even hurt.
"Whoever retains the ability to see beauty never gets old."
-Kafka-
Unlike what we often believe, "platonic" love is associated with beauty and not with an unrequited feeling. In fact, for Plato, love was associated with an impulse that leads us to know the essence of beauty and that we can find in another person, but not with the impulse that leads us towards her.
