Last update: June 19, 2017
If I feel stuck, I won't be able to take off, I won't be able to fly; if I don't feel free, my wings can never open. Knowing this, why are there people who continue to hold on to relationships that consume them? The answer may lie in the need to be loved, considered and valued.
The fear of loneliness or isolation would be at the basis of emotional dependence, which contributes to creating too close and rigid bonds. People suffering from this disorder cannot imagine themselves without an emotional relationship or someone who continually satisfies their emotional needs. When they feel lonely or end a relationship, they immediately look for another one, for fear of feeling helpless or abandoned.
When we want to fly, we want to feel light, we want to have a nest to return to, our safe haven. However, once we get it, we start taking off to see what's outside the nest, trying to enjoy our flight.
If we create weak or harmful bonds, we will not be able to fly because those bonds will prevent us from getting high and seeing things from a new point of view. By remaining attached to the nest, we will not be able to see what is around us.
Decisions, not needs, make us strong, whole and confident people.
Having good self-esteem is a fundamental piece of the puzzle
The factors that lead people to create such rigid and sabotaging unions of their freedom of choice are:
- Difficulty making decisions for yourself
- Constant need for affection and interest from others
- Low self-esteem
- You need the approval of others
- Difficulty ending romantic relationships
Of these, the most important feature capable of activating all the others on its own appears to be low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem tend to feel weak and helpless, they don't trust their judgment criteria and for this they need to find that security outside.
If we are able to make ourselves strong and build good self-esteem, we will have established the basis for achieving a good romantic relationship. When we feel sure of ourselves, we are able to decide what we want and at what moment. This allows us to free our wings and find our place.
Two strong and independent people will be able to make the decision to start a journey together taking into account the pros and cons of the relationship they are building. In this way, they will be able to make the best decisions: the basis of their story will be built on good self-esteem and good judgment, and not on weak and anxious needs or constraints.
An introspective work to spread the wings
Working on dependence on others is a personal, inner research task. What am I missing? What do I need to find in others? These could be the key questions. Having a space of our own in the relationship gives us time to ask ourselves if what the other is contributing is what we need or deserve.
If we do not take this space or we do not give ourselves the freedom to think and be alone, we will not be able to value what we have or reflect on what we want. And, more importantly, we will never find the freedom to decide whether we want to fly or stay where we are.
Emotional addiction makes it difficult for us to appreciate ourselves since seeking out what we lack, we fail to work introspectively. Stop for a moment to think if you feel happy, if you feel valued, if you feel helped to be better, if the person you are with stimulates you or, vice versa, slows you down.
The determining thought behind a healthy emotional bond should be only one: we may live without our partner, but we have realized that we are better with him / her. Decision, not necessity. This is what makes us strong, whole and confident people. Let us strive to work on our wings, called self-esteem, giving us the freedom to fly and to choose.
