Those who are used to thinking badly of others are inclined to see only their negative aspects. In this case, the social and emotional life becomes poorer and we end up hurting the close people.
Last update: February 07, 2020
The habit of thinking badly of others is the result of prejudice. The worst aspect of this attitude is that it often carries within it the germ of its own confirmation. This means that if our expectation is that others behave badly or in a harmful way, this will often end up coming true.
Those who adopt this habit, in general, have suffered or have had negative experiences in the past. The problem, however, lies not in the experiences themselves, but in the fact that they have not been processed. The marks left by negative events cause the habit of thinking badly, which, unfortunately, often leads these people to be the subject of new suffering.
Feeling disappointed in someone is a painful experience and not easy to overcome, especially when we have been betrayed, deceived or despised. However, it is up to each of us to work on this pain or allow it to continue forever.
"Anyone who is suspicious invites treason."
-Voltaire-
The habit of thinking badly of others
The habit of thinking badly of others is a way to anticipate possible suffering. The central idea is that if we don't pay attention, we will be deceived by others or that if we don't attack, we will be attacked. Sometimes we hurt first to avoid being hurt; in any case, we expect the worst because we don't like being taken by surprise.
The consequence of this way of thinking is the creation of superficial bonds; we are always on the defensive, justified or not. We deprive ourselves of the joy of showing ourselves as we are, without defenses, without calculations. We give up the luck of experiencing the happiness that comes when you create a deep bond with the other person.
And, even worse, we force others, in one way or another, to fulfill our negative expectations. A person who lacks confidence generates distrust and detachment. He also surrounds himself with negative thoughts. The result is an environment full of tension and prejudice.
If you approach a dog and show fear, it is likely that it will attack you. The animal, in fact, interprets our fear as preparation for the fight. This also happens among humans.
Negative experiences from the past
A person accustomed to thinking badly of others suffers from this, although he does not admit it. It is a vice that impoverishes life and keeps past disappointments alive over time. He is likely to behave badly towards others because of his defensive attitude.
The pain that is not faced and is not processed ends up becoming the axis around which life revolves. Not trusting anyone hides a great disappointment and disillusionment, often on the part of those who loved each other deeply or on whom they depended a lot.
Rejection, abandonment, disappointment sometimes catch us off guard. And this is precisely what leaves a scar: the fact that she has put her trust in someone who has betrayed her. Those who have been victims of a similar situation first blame themselves and promise themselves never to be deceived again.
Process the pain
All people can be wrong with us, just as we can with them. There is no one who has never caused disappointment. The human being is neither an angel nor a demon. We make mistakes and, sometimes, we hurt others.
Being in a fight with the whole world doesn't make things easier, quite the opposite. It makes disappointment the central focus of our life, making us its prisoners. The way out is not to completely lower our defenses and trust everyone overnight. Rather, it is a question of returning to those episodes that have marked us so deeply.
More than forgiving those who made us suffer, it is important to find peace with ourselves. If our trust has been rewarded with betrayal or disappointment, whoever did it will have to deal with it. It is those who betrayed us who made a mistake, we did the right thing: we trusted.
