Last update: 01 September, 2016
We should all listen to our heart. The truth is, it is very difficult to be absolutely consistent every day and every hour. We are full of contradictions because we love and hate at the same time, because we are courageous, but at the same time fearful, because we know how to be good, but sometimes also bad. However, we are able to live with these contradictions, to manage them, in order to build a way of being and living that is more or less consistent.
For some people, however, it is not possible to build this minimal basis of coherence. They live as they would not like to live. They work like they don't want to work. They love as they don't want to love. In these cases, there is a strong asynchrony between what one feels with the heart and what one puts into practice with actions. It is as if they are living an existence that is not theirs.
"My crown is in my heart, not on my head"
-William Shakespeare-
There are many cases. People who don't really love their partner, but still keep the relationship alive; people who go to work every day even if the only thing waiting is closing time; people who choose a job they hate or who dedicate their time only to the people around them, when in reality they just want to see them disappear.
In fact, we all have days or times when we deny our way of life. In those moments we lose a bit of passion for the work we do, we feel more distant in the relationship as a couple and we are annoyed by those around us. But when, after all, we are connected to life from the bottom of our heart, these moments are only transient and are overcome with great ease.
When the heart is not connected with life
Certainly many people who cannot live life following their heart will say that this is due to an external limitation. If they hate their job, they insist on doing it, stating that "they have been forced by circumstances", that the accounts do not wait at the end of the month and that finding a new job is very complicated. Yet, they don't even try to look for it or go to great lengths to change a job they say they hate.
The sphere in which this type of attitude is more frequent is that of couple relationships. You will probably know someone who feels constant resentment towards their partner that doesn't go away, year after year. If he is suggested to leave that person, he will reply that he will sooner or later or that he cannot do it because of the children, because of the joint bank account or because of religious beliefs.
This is where someone then asks: if it is impossible to overcome this situation, then why not try to adapt to it? While if on the contrary it is possible to overcome it, why not do everything to put an end to that torment?
These are the cases in which the heart goes to one side and life to another. The person suffers and feels trapped, but cannot find a way out of that maze. He is self-convinced that "life is like this" and he must accept it or he is unable to feel a change. Basically, in these cases, it is an unconscious, unknown force that acts.
The unconscious orders
Almost all of us are convinced that we are acting for absolutely clear reasons, and the few times we ask ourselves why we do what we do, we know how to give very vague answers. What is certain is that the human mind is much more complex than that. It seems there is a large area unknown to us, in which the deepest and most authentic reasons for what we do are hidden.
From birth we are subject to the will of others. Our parents built a conscious meaning for our existence, but at the same time they poured unconscious expectations and desires into it.
A depressed mother, for example, transmits all the love she can give, but also transmits a gray halo that hovers over whatever happens. A distant father gives love in his own way, but also becomes an unattainable ghost when you seek his attention by getting good grades in school, trying to be more judicious or trying at all costs to cause trouble.
When your heart goes one way and your life goes another, there will be a contradiction between your conscious desires and your unconscious desires. You will likely live as someone wants or has wanted you to live. This someone is, almost certainly, one of your parents or one of the key figures in your childhood.
You want to please these people, even if deep down you are aware that you are motivated by a desire that is not yours. Yet, something within you prevents you from rebelling or claiming a genuine life tailored to your desires. This is often due to the childhood fear of losing the love of these people on whom, unconsciously, you continue to depend.
Inside each of us lives an insecure child who will do everything necessary not to lose the love, attention and affection of his parents. Someone learns to recognize these insecurities and avoid them in order to lead an individual life, away from those shadows.
Others, on the other hand, continue to gravitate around the unconscious conflict that has never been resolved with their family members. They grow up, study, work to become doctors or even presidents. Even if inside them they still feel that they are not fully themselves.
