Last update: 06 November 2015
"Nobody is so young that they cannot die today" (Francesco Petrarca)
The inevitable step in the life of any living thing is there death. Even if we are aware of it, we continue to live inside a bubble, self-convincing that we will remain in this world indefinitely.
Reality is not always what we expect. Sometimes, life doesn't help much. It can happen that our partner abandons us, our bodies get sick or our best friend gets killed in a car accident.
Of all the possible panoramas, the most complex is the one in which death is latent in the life of a person dear to us, no matter why.
The real shock comes from the idea of ​​having to go through the dying process without there being an alternative.
How to prepare to say goodbye?
"Keep the good memories for the bad times and listen ... Live, say what you feel, feel what you are worth, dream what you want and know that you are already very rich with what you have".
(Anonymous)
In our society it rarely happens that we take some time just for ourselves. Perhaps this is precisely why meditation techniques are so popular: after all, we want to enjoy a few moments without external interruptions.
When it comes time to say goodbye to a loved one, you need some time for yourself. Ignore all sources of distraction and focus on yourself; give yourself time to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration.
You must go through all the necessary steps and, in the end, accept the fact that that person will no longer be with you. What do you feel? What do you need to tell her? Do you really have to tell her everything you think?
Make no mistake, this will be a very painful moment, but it will also give you the opportunity to change certain circumstances.
It is important to cry, get angry and accept that change is approaching. It would be good to meet the person in question only after having meditated on the situation for a long time.
It is likely that the a person facing death needs more to speak than to listen. Give her time, allow her to say what she needs, and show her that you are close to her. Give her hope only if reality allows.
Maybe you want to calm this person down, but you don't have to lie to them, it is not good to create false expectations about possible miracle treatments. If possibilities exist, they must be presented without exaggerating.
Help the other to accept his condition
"After all, death is nothing more than a sign that there was life" (Mario Benedetti)
A very important part of this difficult conversation is making sure the other person understands their condition. The following questions may help:
- Do you understand your diagnosis?
- What are your main concerns?
- Do you want to change something?
- How do you want to spend your time from now on?
- Who would you like to make decisions for and about you when it proves necessary?
This conversation is never simple, but it is important to listen carefully to those who are about to face death.
By making it clear that their opinion interests us, we empower them to manage their lives, something that no one should give up.
If you are not in a position to collaborate to make the process less burdensome, limit yourself to giving your presence. The company of loved ones is very important in these cases.
The importance of this conversation
“Death does not take away our loved ones from us. It keeps them and crystallizes them in memories. It is life, very often, that takes them to us forever. " (François Mauriac)
The majority of people always try to postpone this conversation, tries to convince himself that there is more time. And that's not always the case.
Things can change very quickly. It often happens that those who have avoided this conversation feel guilty for not making explicit what they had to say.
If you are afraid to deal with this topic, start listening to what the person has to say to you at that moment so close to death.. Little by little, you will understand if you have something to say or not.
Some conversations can be over in minutes, while others seem endless. Don't worry, you don't have to say or do anything you don't want to.
It's always best to say goodbye
And don't allow time to beat us.
