Last update: October 01, 2016
Indifference comes in a couple relationship in a slow but relentless way. It is a bitter silence in which uncertainty lives, nostalgia for what once was everyday life and complicity and which, now, we miss.
Relationships "die" for many reasons, we know this well, and we are sure that all breakups involve a very high level of suffering, for which no one is ready. Despite this, we could say that it is precisely that emptiness, that passive and cold attitude on the part of the other person towards us, usually, that triggers greater despair and anxiety.
Usually, love has three enemies: indifference, which takes away our oxygen little by little, indecision, which prevents us from moving forward, and disappointment, which puts an end to everything in an instant.
Each of us can react in a certain way when faced with rejection or betrayal, but how can we deal with the emotional emptiness of indifference? It is not easy, and that is why we always try to find a reason, a reason that explains that emotional distance. Even if, in reality, there is not always an explanation behind the end of a love, sometimes it just goes out, suffocates like a setting sun that gets out of breath ...
Indifference has serious side effects
A couple, like any living organism that needs its own vital nutrients, needs to strengthen its structure, its relationship. All this is achieved thanks to those small daily rituals, imbued with complicity, in which the gestures that bind us, the words that make us stronger, the caresses that help us recognize ourselves and the common spaces inhabited by a need for closeness are recorded. physical and emotional.
Despite this, sometimes, almost without knowing why, we make use of silence or decide not to intervene, giving the other the responsibility to do, say and act. We begin to take feelings for granted and even the answers to questions that we no longer ask. Little by little, the small details are prioritized and the most important aspects are neglected.
If we are to speak of a relationship expert, it is almost inevitable to name John Gottman and his theory of the "four horsemen of the apocalypse" to explain the reasons that push a couple towards the abyss of detachment.
It will not surprise you to know that, among these pillars, in addition to criticism, contempt and defensive attitude, there is also "indifference", that evasive behavior that makes us look the other way and that creates great depths of uncertainty . All that, all this emotional emptiness and this emotional coldness have serious consequences that both partners must know.
- When our expectations of that bond are no longer met, uncertainty and restlessness arise. Two dimensions to which our brain reacts with stress and emotional anxiety.
- When we no longer receive that emotional reciprocity, that delicate and perfect exchange in which the other's responses reassured us and made us stronger, we remain “paralyzed”. We are waiting, waiting for the situation to change, a tiring and destructive behavior.
- If we make the mistake of interpreting indifference as something that “we ourselves have unleashed”, we lose even more control of the situation. Our self-esteem plummets and we end up in a state of vulnerability that is very dangerous.
I no longer feel pain, now my heart is drier than ever because it has resigned itself. Now I feel only indifference, which is the most absolute and distressing lack of feelings.
How to deal with the emotional emptiness
As is often said, indifference kills and, even if many define it as a passive behavior that, little by little, makes its way into the couple relationship, in reality, it is not entirely true. Emotional emptiness is a very active enemy that must be identified as soon as possible to prevent it from taking root and destroying forever the bond, the union with the person we love or with ourselves, as we lose our self-esteem.
- A couple relationship survives only if there is personal satisfaction and, at the same time, reciprocity. If we are well, we will be able to invest in our partner, because we give what we receive.
- When that harmonious circle of reciprocity is broken, this immediately affects the quality of the commitment, the passion and the intimacy of the couple.
- Within a relationship, it is enough for one of the two partners to be indifferent, for indifference to be sensed, touched and suffered. It is useless to wait for things to improve, it is useless to create false hopes. Action must be taken.
Sometimes it is enough to make small changes, come to an agreement to break the monotony in which relationships often end. Any effort made to save the relationship is not enough. Nevertheless, if we are fully aware of the fact that there is no more love or that that situation hurts more than it makes happy, it is necessary to take the right distance.
It is not worth being prisoners of the lack of love, of the broken dreams of two strangers who have given everything and who, in the end, are left with nothing. Indifference hurts and disorients, but, with the courage to walk away when we need it, when we are still able to remember to take care of ourselves, time will make it heal.
