Negative thoughts are generally not good allies. They fill us with doubts and worries, yet there is a technique to eradicate them. We present it in this article.
Last update: 02 September, 2020
It is not easy to understand why people tend to have negative thoughts about others and about themselves. Most of the time, rather than relying on merits, resources, potentials and attributes to be valued, we emphasize our weaknesses and shortcomings, making a self-critical feeling predominate. Some techniques, however, can help us counteracting this trend, the use of the positive ma is an example.
The positive or opposite is a technique for eradicate negative thoughts and prevent counterproductive attitudes that flow from it. In the next few lines we explain what this strategy consists of.
That cognitive fauna called thoughts
Some behaviors that develop around these sensations, which cognitive psychologists call cognitive distortions, are related to each other, although they have subtle differences. However, it is important to distinguish the degree of negativity and devaluation which prevails in cognitions, emotions and actions.
Many of these ideas take us by surprise and proliferate as germs that invade our mind and end up creating stereotypes.
- Thoughts about their own inability like “I won't be able to”, “I'm not capable” or “this is not for me, it is too much”.
- Beliefs about what other people think, as if we could read their minds: “they are all looking at me, they will be observing my clothing”, “they are talking about me”.
- There are also those who, at the slightest mistake, forget all the positive goals achieved in the past.
- The "I should have" or "I could have done" that always mark the memories.
- Thoughts that predict a negative future or catastrophic.
- The tendency to always compare oneself to others and to underestimate the positive events that happen to them.
In short, it is common to nurture a series of beliefs that promote a strong self-depreciation and that lead to seeing only merits in others and in oneself only the negative and unhappy aspects.
This catastrophic cognitive fauna does not remain anchored in thought, but moves rapidly and inexorably towards action, arousing equally negative emotions. And from there a kind of unfortunate self-fulfilling prophecy is built.
Ma, ma…
These negative thoughts are wary and, in some cases, become paranoid. It is impossible to spend a lifetime giving weight to what others think of us or imagining that the world is against us.
They are great allies of the "but", a linguistic formula that is applied to most sentences to limit our way of acting: "but", "it's a pity that ..." or "despite ...". All interjections that contradict the previous statement. In short, a real trap.
The "but" destroys a positive sentence. Let's see it with some examples: "he is a very good person and in general he does things well, but when he gets angry he is terrible"; "We had a lot of fun over the weekend, we didn't fight, but he has a bad temper and he responds badly."
The "but" reverses the positive aspects of the previous sentence.
Pessimistic and catastrophic people rarely utter positive sentences in which they appreciate themselves and others; even when they do, they eventually derail them and direct them in the opposite direction with those "buts" that introduce a negative and opposite description to what was previously said.
The "but" is also directed towards oneself. For example: “It was nice to finish my homework quickly, but I always do it at the last minute” or “I'm very studious, too bad I can't speak fluently”.
Putting an end to this systematization of the use of the "but" is very difficult, since once you enter this mechanism, the wheel always tends to turn in a negative direction, almost indefinitely. Reversing this negativity mechanism and going from negative to positive is difficult, but not impossible.
The technique of but positive or contrary
To counteract denied thoughts, you have to proceed step by step using the reverse technique, that is to let them flow, let go and translate them into words. Once expressed, we must use the "but" to redirect the discourse towards a positive dimension.
The positive but or the opposite is similar to the negative but, the one that directs us towards catastrophic thoughts, but allows us to transform the negative into the positive. Here are some examples:
- “Bronchitis exhausted me, I couldn't work for days, BUT I could rest. It was a fully deserved mini vacation ”.
- “I should have known it was a little good. He scammed me, BUT luckily it was a little money. This experience has taught me to pay more attention to the people I surround myself with ”.
- “They look at me because I am wearing this floral shirt, they will say that I am ridiculous, BUT how nice it is to dress as you want and to be free. Do they stare at me? I don't care, I have to focus more on myself and worry less about others ”.
The positive or opposite teaches us to learn from a situation. Just ask yourself the question: “What does this situation teach me?”; “What lesson can I draw from this experience?”. This simple technique initiates a kind of negotiation between personal devaluation and self-esteem.
Being difficult to get out of the disqualifying automatism, this intermediate step allows us to notice that not everything is catastrophic and that there is no negative situation as such, but that it is only a disqualifying personal perception. How about starting immediately to use the positive "but"? Can you find three?
