Last update: Augusts 30, 2016
In a scene from the film “Youth”, by Paolo Sorrentino, the character played by Rachel Weisz insistently asks her father (Michael Caine) why her ex-boyfriend preferred another woman. He tries not to answer, but in the end he exclaims "Because she is good in bed". This shows us that the lack of a good explanation that justifies a breakup leads us to invent a story that protects us.
Each couple is a world apart, with its peculiarities that change over time, trying to adapt to a changing reality. A reality in which the members of the couple can reject each other unwittingly, little by little and without noticing any changes, so that one day they realize that the person they sleep with every night is a stranger.
Reasons why couples break up
In 2014 there were 52.335 divorces in Spain, and all these breakups that occur between unmarried partners should be added. It is a fact that hides many feelings and many reasons.
Sometimes, because we fear our partner's reaction, we barricade ourselves behind banal phrases such as “It's not you, it's me”, “I'm no longer in love with you”, “I fell in love with another person”. But in reality there are reasons that we do not dare to pronounce; read on if you want to find out what they are.
The absence of communication
Both in newly born couple relationships and in long-term ones it is common for there to be fear of expressing one's feelings. A fear that manifests itself above all when one of the two is afraid of showing himself vulnerable: he feels that, by communicating his pain or his happiness, he gives the "partner-rival" information that the other can use to get the better of quarrels .
We fear, telling the truth, of hurting or being hurt. This is how we keep silent about all our needs, avoiding a war of reproaches and pains, and we begin to accumulate, accumulate and accumulate… Obviously we all know where this situation is leading us.
The indifference
Walter Riso, in his book "Cinderella is a loser and a toad will never become a prince", claims that one of the fastest ways to end a loving relationship is indifference. It is the most corrosive acid that can exist in any kind of relationship. Through it, we send a very clear message: “I don't care. I don't care what you think, what you feel and what you do ”.
Furthermore, indifference usually mingles with pride. Because? Try to think about what you do when someone shows indifference to you: most of the time you return it to them. If the other does not speak to you, neither do you. Indifference is not dangerous as such, the problem is that it also makes you very stubborn.
Lack of commitment
This must be understood in its social context. More and more young people feel that life is long, that there is still a lot to live and experience before they know the person with whom to share the rest of life. The lack of commitment of the XNUMXst century goes hand in hand with the fear of losing some experiences, of giving explanations too soon.
In older people, the issue is more complex and there are usually other fears. Many of them may have experienced relationships in the past where they have felt betrayed after building their lives around a relationship. They are afraid to commit because, when they did, they were deceived.
Then there are people who start a new relationship having more or less young children, so the decisions they make don't just affect them: if they make a mistake, their children will also pay the consequences.
The presence of a third person
Love is not necessarily eternal or even fixed. Just as everything around us changes, so do our feelings. In fact, it is love that changes; it is not a question of loving more or less, but of loving in a distinct way, with different shades.
Many couples break up because they had to, because they were exhausted. They have lived a wonderful story and have always respected the reality of things, because love is not eternal; then the relationship withered to make room for someone else.
The reasons why a love ends according to science
Scholars from the University of Western, Ontario, have selected 6500 people (mixed men and women) to discover the real reasons why couple love ends.
The study consisted of interviewing each person in the selected group. The researchers therefore came to the conclusion that the reasons why couples break up are the following:
The lack of a sense of humor
Humor is essential in every area of ​​our life: personal, professional and, of course, emotional. A person who makes us laugh and has a sense of humor wins us over, entertains us and makes us feel full and happy.
Learning to smile and share laughter with our partner unites us a lot; being too serious or losing a sense of humor, on the other hand, can negatively affect our relationship. A person who is always sad and frowning gives us negativity.
The absence of trust
Another reason why couple love swarms is the lack of trust. Many things can happen during a relationship, but if we discover that the other has not been honest or has lied to us, the trust breaks down.
Once trust in our partner is lost, it is difficult to recover it, because there will always be jealousy and a great deal of doubt will come between the two people. Overcoming such a situation is really difficult.
The lack of intimacy
Lack of intimacy with your partner is one of the reasons why relationships end. Not taking care of moments of intimacy with the other is a form of indifference, which, as we have already said, gradually corrodes the relationship.
Sexual intercourse is part of intimacy. Usually, at the beginning of relationships, sexual desire is strong, but there comes a time when the routine makes itself felt and this desire suffers. It falls due to haste, worries and other stimuli that compete with one's beloved.
