Moving on without resolving our emotional knots and vital wounds is not a good idea. We need to be able to move in our inner world to shape a better version of ourselves.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Moving forward without looking back is not easy. How can we do it when sadness weighs too much, when we carry within us the pain of so many battles and wounds? Sometimes we have to stop for a moment and heal, recompose and even change. Only when we have shaped a new and improved version of us will we be ready to move forward.
We could compare life to a fabric hemmed from start to finish. Two sides of the same coin, full of opposing emotions that we don't always know how to manage. Fears, sharp anxieties that hold back new opportunities. Doing it in the best way undoubtedly determines the integrity and quality of everything that may come after.
What is the secret to moving forward?
Experts such as Denise Beike of the University of Arkansas report that our life cycle is marked by events of greater or lesser gravity that can affect us. What determines the greatest impact, however, is the way or the attitude with which we face them. For this reason, it is important to have a clear and objective view of certain aspects.
After going through a bad time, it is normal to be told "you have to move on". But how can we do it when there are loads and anguish inside us? We know we have to do it, but it is not always easy to generate this progress, a real step forward.
Il pain has deep roots and we cannot uproot ourselves as if nothing were just to move elsewhere. We can't just give it a sponge and expect to start from scratch. We must be able to repair and transform. To create something new starting from the present, from what we have lived and learned. This process can take some time, but thanks to it we will give ourselves the opportunity to start over in the best possible way.
"Sometimes good things fall apart for better things to happen."
-Marilyn Monroe-
Carrying on with too much baggage is not a good option
We can direct our gaze towards the horizon, put one foot in front of the other and continue as if nothing had happened. It is also possible to give the time full responsibility for emotional care. Believing that by removing the pages from the calendar, the pain and memories will also disappear. Nonetheless, there will come a day when we realize that none of these strategies have worked.
Albert Ellis, a well-known cognitive psychotherapist, reminds us that often people get carried away by certain beliefs without thinking of other alternatives. These are called irrational ideas, which lead us to live unhealthy and even problematic situations.
Thus, whenever we are forced to initiate a change or face a moment of great difficulty, we must reflect on the following aspects.
Emotionally advance
Advancing is not the same as moving forward. It is common to turn to the psychologist for help. Many have tried to move on after suffering a separation or the loss of a loved one, forgetting one very important aspect: processing the loss.
It is essential to integrate a basic concept in our personal register: to move forward. Below we will report what this word implies:
- Don't get trapped in the same place.
- Understanding that we need to apply a new life strategy.
- Generate a sort of evolution that must start from oneself, from our inner self without running away.
- Telling ourselves that we need to accept that we are sorry, understand it, manage it, treat it, and give ourselves a new opportunity. In this way we will make "progress" in an emotional and psychological sense.
- Realize one detail: the sadness or pain that comes from a loss does not go away. Nobody can erase such feelings. We have to create a space within ourselves and learn to live with it.
Changes take time
As research conducted by Dr Mark A. Thornton of Cornell University reveals, every change brings with it a series of emotions that need to be managed. Putting the heart and head in these emotional states to carry on as if nothing happened often means running the risk of developing a psychological disorder such as depression.
We need to be able to cry with sadness, to channel anger and frustration. To remain calm in the face of disappointments in order to assimilate and learn from them.
Starting over with a stronger version of ourselves
People don't change, they advance. The human being transforms himself whenever he deems it necessary, not out of whim and not for pleasure. He does it to face adversity and be more resilient, skilled and prepared.
We know we can't get stuck, moving forward is the only option we have. However, let's do it in the best way: without running away from ourselves and from this internal environment of emotions which, like a disorderly and dark house, needs our attention, order, oxygen and a change.
Here is the secret to moving forward! Let's allow ourselves to start our life path again with an updated, strong and hopeful version. As Charlotte Brontë said, What need is there to evoke the Past, when the Present is safer and the Future more beautiful?
