Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
There are special people who like them from the first moment. We don't know what is special about them, but in this world of grays and chiaroscuro, their presence is a colorful note that attracts us, cheers us up and puts us at peace with life. Science says it can be their smile, their attitude or their welcoming air. But for many, their natural gifts are as inexplicable as magic.
Most likely the name Dale Carnegie doesn't tell us anything. Yet this 30s entrepreneur and writer laid the foundation for all the self-help publications that fill bookstore shelves today. One of the best known of his publications, as well as among the best-selling in history, is undoubtedly "How to treat others and make friends".
There are people who master magic without tricks, special people who conquer from the first moment for their humility, for their natural simplicity.
In this book one of the greatest aspirations (whether we want it or not) of the human being was described for the first time, to be able to please others. Since the 30s, interest in this discipline of psychology has continued to expand. In fact, nowadays, in the field of coaching any self-respecting professional must be able to train his patients in the use of these basic and essential tools with which to create a positive impact on the social context.
Curiously there are people who already have this capacity “in possession”, that is the natural ability to create a connection with those in front of them almost instantly, arousing positive emotions, trust and security. This sometimes magical, spontaneous and fruitful spark is almost like an invisible diamond that all great leaders, for example, would like to have with them in order to attract more people.
It is a tool that even people with poor social skills would like to be able to develop in order to enjoy better relationships, of a better everyday life during which you can make more friends, find a partner, feel more self-confident in a nutshell. As we can see, we find ourselves in a highly attractive psychological dimension in the context of personal growth and which deserves to be analyzed in detail.
Special people who like them without making an effort or needing them, authentic people
A widely known thing is that by wanting to please everyone, we end up inflicting endless suffering on ourselves. It makes no sense, it is neither useful nor healthy. Yet, there are people who, without any effort, without looking for it or expecting it, manage to get in tune almost immediately with 80% of the people they meet every day.
Many would surely argue that the explanation is that they are physically attractive. But as anyone involved in the selection of commercials or promoters for some NGOs knows very well, in reality there is more. It is something that has to do with non-verbal language or with what many call the art of grace. That gift that allows us to maintain an open and welcoming attitude that helps us to reach others in an affable, safe and effective way.
Now let's see what other characteristics all these people who are able to please without the least effort have in common.
Duchenne's smile, the most sincere
We are all perfectly capable of faking a smile. We can offer the most dazzling conquering smiles hiding behind them the most subtle of falsehoods.
There is, however, a smile that is difficult to fake and that is considered the epitome of authenticity. We are obviously talking about Duchenne's smile.
- Duchenne's smile is said to be captivating for its naturalness, which inspires trust and which is a natural glue in any social context.
- On the face it is manifested by the contraction of the major and minor zygomatic muscles around the mouth. Both rise at the corners of the mouth, as does the orbicular muscle around the eyes. There is also a contraction that lifts the cheeks and creates small wrinkles around the eyes.
Humility: the most attractive quality
Some situations immediately cause tension. These are those that we experience because of people who come to us immediately talking about their private life, criticizing the absent, being indiscreet, excessively joking or making an exaggerated use (or abuse) of the personal pronoun "I". It happened to everyone.
At the opposite pole we find those who, without expecting anything, obtain everything. Those who, thanks to their natural humility, immediately like us for a series of characteristics, brushstrokes capable of creating a magical and unique personal canvas.
Humble people know how to pay attention, show genuine interest in those in front of them, they know how to listen and welcome us into the warm waters of their sincere gaze ...
- We said a little while ago, people who like them generally practice the art of grace. Thanks to a constantly open attitude, they are able to establish an immediate confidence with us, so that we can open up with them feeling at ease, in a natural way.
- Their poses and non-verbal language are devoid of any trait of power. They do not impose themselves, they do not show any rigidity, only openness and closeness.
- A common element in people they like is that they don't complain, don't pretend, don't criticize, and their attitude is always exquisitely humble.
In conclusion, although there are many special people who shine with their own light and who have these characteristics inherent in their nature, it must also be said that all these qualities can be trained. While it is true that there is no need to please everyone, on the other hand, everyone likes to be able to get in tune with others better.
Consequently, working day after day on these characteristics will undoubtedly help us to get beyond the looks, to insinuate ourselves almost without asking permission into those foreign hearts that we want to conquer.
