The subtle art of doing what pisses you off Put aside positive psychology to give yourself a stoic approach to life. A life that will not always be happy, but if you follow the advice in this book, it will surely be full of meaning and, above all, focused on what is really important to you.
As much as I love positive psychology, sometimes it just doesn't work, unbelievably for me too.
There's another way of thinking that may seem strange, maybe outdated, but still works:
Get to work.
Every once in a while, we all have a work week, and even if you enjoy your work, nothing exciting happens for a few days. Maybe there are a lot of deadlines to meet and you have to work hard to get it all done.
It's the way I am now and, oddly enough, I have to say it's very satisfying. Probably because it's liberating not having to give off positive vibes all the time. Mark Manson has coined a better phrase for this way of operating: The subtle art of doing that shit you think. His first book, an immediate bestseller, is a personal growth book for those who generally hate the "self-help" genre.
Mark realizes that his life has become overwhelming and that the only way to focus on the things that really matter to us is to give a damn about everything else.
“You and everyone knows that sooner or later you will die. And in the short time between here and hereafter, you have a limited number of things that can matter to you. Very few, in fact. And if you deal with everything and everyone without a reasoned choice, well, you're screwed."
Mark Manson
These are my 3 favorite concepts from the book:
- The values ​​you can't control are the wrong values ​​to follow.
- Don't think you know something for sure, because that prevents you from improving.
- Trying to leave a legacy in the world could ruin your life.
The trick to not giving a damn about most things is that you can take care of what really matters to you. Let's see together how it's possible to get a little closer to doing this!
Lesson 1: Only Stick to Values ​​You Can Control
Mark is a very stoic guy and it shows through his writing and advice. A common idea in Stoicism is to focus only on what you can control. This concept is quite easy to understand and implement when it comes to your actions, but it can also be applied to more intangible aspects.
Take your values, for example. I know it's hard to put it in a few words, but if you try to describe yourself in, say, three adjectives, you already have a good idea of ​​what values ​​dictate your life the most.
Let's say you choose the words honest, punctual, and popular. This is where Mark makes an important point: he only chooses values ​​that are under his control.
Most of us give up certain ideals when we grow up, trying to have a career and make money. While this is a key part of real life, it's important that you don't totally let go of the wheel of your existence. The values ​​that you cannot control are fundamentally negative, because they will be a constant source of suffering in your life.
When we look at the three characteristics we have mentioned, honesty is 100% under your control. Only you know how honest you are, no one else needs to know. Punctuality is partially under your control. If you have plenty of time to move ahead, you can offset most of the potential obstacles. Popularity, on the other hand, is completely out of your control. Of course, you can be kind and friendly to everyone, but you cannot control the opinions of others. Some will always hate you no matter what you do.
Therefore, popularity is not the best value to focus on and you can try to replace it with a more controllable one, such as friendliness.
Lesson 2: Certainty hinders growth.
How much wisdom distilled in 5 words: certainty prevents growth. Imagine being able to choose between two ways of getting around the world: one where you think everything you know is 100% true, and one where you think nothing you know is 100% true.
Both are stressful, but which of the two ways do you think allows you to make the best decisions?
The last one, for sure. When there is something waiting to be discovered, rejecting the idea that you already know everything is a good place to start learning. This is true for discovering factual knowledge, how to use the scientific method to build hypotheses from which to start reaching better conclusions, but it is also true for gaining conceptual knowledge.
The second type of knowledge is more implicit than the relationships between various entities. Take your place in the social hierarchy of the school, for example. If you are convinced that you are ugly, you will be very sad. But if you notice that you get a lot of compliments, people call you charming, and some have crushes on you, it's proof that your brain is tricking you into false certainty.
If you allow yourself to have some doubts, then you can refute this limiting belief that you have about yourself.
Lesson 3: Don't get obsessed with trying to leave a legacy in the world
Here's an uncomfortable but very important reminder: one day you will die. We will all die. Whether we admit it or not, when the time comes, we are all afraid. This is why so many of us want to leave a legacy to humanity (including me). However, Mark says that this could ruin the meager amount of precious time we have on this Earth.
The more we are driven to want to leave a steady job that will outlive us, the more we start chasing fame, overworking, and focusing on the future.
But what if we try to be useful in the present? However, we could help a lot of people, enjoy our days and be fully present, right where we are.
Mark's concept is clear: find ways to bring yourself, your loved ones and the people who make you happy into the present and let your legacy build itself.
review
The Subtle Art of Doing What You Love is a fun book that gets straight to the point. There are no unnecessary turns of words, there are a lot of swear words but also a lot of intuitions. It is a medium length book (about 200 pages), but the reading is light and extremely fluid, because Mark also uses many examples. I can say that it is one of the best books I have read on the subject of personal growth. A good scare to all our mental trips and our narcissism, a breath of fresh air and freedom.
If you are interested in the book, you can find it at The Amazon and in all well-stocked libraries. Also, in another article we report 8 (cynical) quotes from Mark Manson that will make you grow.
Until the next book!
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