Last update: January 21, 2018
Have you stopped being yourself to satisfy others? Have you turned into people you weren't to like more? When we sacrifice our essence we lose ourselves to the point of forgetting who we really are. We no longer know what we like, what we love. We hand over our lives to others and vulnerability sets us apart.
When we sacrifice our essence and show ourselves as others want, we pay too high a price to gain approval and a false feeling of appreciation. Because in reality it is not us who like us but our appearance. The reflection we show them.
We are not aware of the fact that life does not consist in sacrificing oneself to be accepted by others, rather in discovering oneself and then offering the best of oneself. Well, if we decide to be what others want, you will make us vulnerable to their manipulations and to the discomfort generated by being who we are not.
“Whatever you do, you can never please everyone. Believe me: you don't need anyone's approval to be happy ”.
-Walter Rice-
When one sacrifices one's essence, one begins to suffer
From the moment we sacrifice our essence, suffering becomes a constant in our life. Our gaze will begin to move towards the people around us and worry will invade us along with guilt. We will find ourselves in a permanent state of alert, especially in the face of possible criticism and disapproval.
When you sacrifice your essence, you want to please, be a genius and be accepted at all costs. At any price.
This situation, instead of making us happy, it will make us spend whole nights crying. Anxiety and stress will creep in permanently, "I must do ...", "I must be ..." will become our habitual thoughts. We no longer know what this state of nervousness and need comes from.
It almost seems that our opinion doesn't matter, that it doesn't even exist. Only what others say is okay. But what's more, we fail to question our way of acting compared to others. We just give everything. But we wondered why we're not okay? Why, despite doing everything they ask of us and which is supposed to be right, do we feel that we are always out of place?
Beyond the satisfaction of others
From a very young age we have been taught to please others. To reach out when the other needs it, to offer support and support, and to be understanding towards the faults of others.
We are very flexible with others and sometimes forgive big mistakes. Yet it seems that the same treatment is not what we reserve for ourselves. We force ourselves to give our best, trying to be perfect… We believe that if we don't do things well they won't accept us or love us.
We think that by saying "no," they will reject us and hate us, that friends will turn their backs on us. But what if someone else did this to us? You would understand, right? So ... why don't we give ourselves permission to be as we are, to say what we think and want and to be sincere once and for all?
We often have a confused concept of what we should be like, and why we step aside when in reality we should be the only protagonists of our life. Our focus of attention is lost, it lights up a wrong location and for this we pay too high a price.
We don't take care of ourselves, we care about others, we deceive ourselves, we pretend, we lie… And all for a handful of smiles and a few compliments. What are we doing?
"Being ourselves in a world that constantly tries to prevent us is the greatest of goals"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-
It is time to let go of vulnerability and strengthen our self-esteem
When we make vulnerability our mistress, our self-esteem plummets. For this reason, we depend on others to be happy, yet we can't even do that.
What would happen if that friend stopped talking to us? What would happen if our partner broke up with you? What if our boss fires us tomorrow?
In any of these situations we should deal with ourselves. Alone. We would be with the person we set aside for the handful of smiles that others offered us. The one to which we addressed with a grimace of sadness and which we have sometimes even denied.
There are moments in life when all that remains is to collect the pieces of one's own person because of the little attention that one has granted. It is the only way to strengthen self-esteem.
Taking care of yourself and listening to yourself in moments of desolation and sadness is not selfishness. Wanting to be alone without seeing anyone is absolutely legitimate. We need to pamper ourselves, listen to each other, be with ourselves.
We are afraid of what they will say, but we are not afraid of the risk of getting lost, of forgetting to be happy for ourselves. Even if this is the most important thing ...
The time we waste trying to please others isn't really fruitful. Vulnerability is always present and toxic people can use it to their advantage to manipulate us as they please. Let's stop always being there ready for others and dedicate ourselves to ourselves.
"Dare to set limits means having the courage to love ourselves, even when we run the risk of disappointing others"
-Brene de Brown-
