Last update: 03 March, 2017
In dark times there are always people who "enlighten" us, who guide us. They are like sunlight passing through glass to inspire us, to give us hope in moments when we lose the rhythm, courage and direction of our vital compass. They are a medicine for the heart in times of difficulty.
Admittedly, we all need someone who cares about us. We can love our independence, our proud self-sufficiency and even think we have the sun inside ourselves. However, when the storm arrives outside, sooner or later we feel the sadness, fear, insomnia and despair that only emotional support, empathy and affection can alleviate.
At this point a curious fact emerges: social psychology reveals that giving emotional support is an art that not everyone knows how to offer in the right way. Strange as it may seem, those who love us most can offer us an exaggerated attention that generates in us a feeling of dependence, ineffectiveness or weakness.
The most effective type of support is that of someone who is always present, but in an imperceptible, sincere and authentic way. We are talking about the kind of help that no one feels indebted to, because there are no "givers" or "recipients" of affection, there is a wonderful bond based on true reciprocity.
We invite you to reflect on this very interesting theme, characterized by different nuances.
People who erode and people who enlighten
We all know what empathy is and what its impact is on daily relationships. We are sure that you have more than once had to deal with someone unable to connect with others, someone with aggressive, hostile and even destructive traits and to think that this person was not empathetic.
Simon Baron-Cohen, Cambridge University lecturer and expert in the development of psychopathology, defines these psychological characteristics with an expression that is worth remembering, namely "erosive empathy". According to the professor, this behavior arises when someone not only stops connecting with others, but erodes, compromises and breaks with persistent slowness those closest to him. These are people who undoubtedly are characterized by a certain obscurity.
At the opposite pole, there are the "enlightened" people. More than people of great nobility of soul and goodness, we could define them as individuals who “know how to live and who let live“, Which promote inner harmony, which restore emotional balance by bringing our pieces together and reminding us how important we can be.
Psychological characteristics of people who are a light in the dark
We have anticipated that giving the right support is an art that not everyone knows how to put into practice. For example, it is worth remembering that when the donor and the recipient are clearly distinguished, some misunderstandings can arise. The recipient may feel "in debt" or become dependent on a donor who exploits his role as a "healer".
- Enlightened people, on the other hand, never assume the role of "healers", they are "facilitators".
- They know how to be present without controlling, judging or exercising constant attention on the other that can generate a sort of addiction. They are experts in fostering a process of authentic personal growth.
- They respect spaces, know how to stay when needed and protect the intimacy of the other when they need it.
- They are constant but not intrusive presences, with the exceptional ability to remind us who we are. They care about us, they give us positivity, courage, hope to help us tune in again with the rhythm of life, of optimism.
- We must avoid increasing the anxiety of those in front of us with the classic expressions "It's nothing!" or "It could be worse".
- Finally, we must understand that those who are really sick don't even need do-good phrases like "I'm here if you need them" or "You can count on me". This person does not need words, but real, tangible and visible facts.
"Enlightened" people are of few words, but of great deeds. They are always next to us if we ask them and they will know how to read sadness and worry in our eyes.
In conclusion, what we sometimes offer as support is actually not. Good support is not only based on the right words, but also on facts, small acts of kindness and demonstrations of genuine interest.
