Last update: July 12, 2016
In ancient times it was common for spouses to have a rather large age gap, especially older men with much younger women. Such marriages, in most cases, were not only in line with the values ​​of the time, but also respected what was an agreement stipulated between the families of both spouses. In many cases, it was nothing more than the desire to improve the social and economic condition of those getting married. Love came with time.
However, nowadays it is equally common to find couples in which the age difference is not only great, but is flaunted by men and women in equal measure. Even if today it is still easier for the man to be the oldest partner, the percentage of couples in which the woman is the oldest is constantly increasing.
"Love does not end when old age comes, old age comes when love ends"
-Anonymous-
Leaving aside the fact that today's society is generally more open to debate, freedom and rights than it once was, it is interesting to note that these relationships are still received with a certain degree of prejudice. The astonishment is less in cases where the man greatly exceeds his woman in age, but increases when the woman is older than her partner.
Studies on how love works at different ages
According to some studies, the ideal age difference in a couple, for it to be stable, is five years. Couples who, on the other hand, widen the gap are "doomed" to failure, which is greater the more the age difference increases.
Other research promoted by groups of scholars, including some psychologists, assure that couples in which the age difference is significant are the result of an attempt to fill a void linked to some shortcomings dating back to childhood. They also indicate that these relationships are based on some unresolved conflicts that have to do with the maternal or paternal figure depending on the couple. From this point of view, couple love in these cases is definitely impossible.
In any case, in any relationship, sooner or later conflicts come into play that have remained unresolved. Nonetheless, the union of two people, regardless of their age, rather obeys a need for stability in one's life. This stability is achieved by complementing each other in terms of emotional maturity, social prestige, economic stability or, simply, the desire to love each other in an unconventional way.
The future of relations of this type
What could be the future of a couple whose partners are very different ages? Can they really love each other? Based on the statistics of most studies, relationships of a similar nature have no place.
Research shows that they are less than 20% likely to last for at least two years. However, it must be stated that these are incomplete studies, since they concern minority groups belonging to specific cultures and therefore cannot be generalized.
According to these same statistics, couples who come to love each other deeply and overcome the five-year hurdle have a high probability of staying together for an extended period of time. Making use of this information can therefore be a good point of reference, but it is good to remember that it is not a law.
Unfortunately, these couples face greater difficulties in learning to clash and live with the rejection they generate in some sectors of society. This hostility is mainly due to prejudices, from which often the same families of one or both members of the couple are not saved. However, more than weakening the relationship, such preconceptions can strengthen it - difficulties often fuel enthusiasm.
What matters in any relationship
When two people love each other, their age or origins don't matter. What really matters is the love that unites them. The important thing is mutual respect, trust, good communication, empathy with each other, sincerity, knowing how to share and feel good with each other and with their lifestyle.
For any kind of relationship to work, both partners must do their part. And although it is true that sometimes it may happen that you have to compromise, individual freedom must never be lost. It is not good to try to change one or more aspects of the personality of the other.
After all, what matters is the ability to be well together. If two people can truly love each other and accept each other for who they are, they will succeed. Everything else will take a back seat. In this sense, the couple themselves determine the level of understanding and happiness they want to achieve, the degree of maturity and independence they want, and the amount of mutual support they can offer each other.
It is undeniable that the benefits of loving each other, with or without age difference, are many. The concept of "maturity" is still shrouded in myth. In each of us a child and an elderly person live together, since we are born. More than age, what keeps love alive is understanding and the ability to complete oneself. When the members of a couple are different, they will be able to learn a lot from each other.
