Last update: June 09, 2016
We live in a world where many people, circumstances and particularities are intertwined that shape and condition our emotional development. Certainly there will be irremediably painful situations and people for whom hurting others is simple, as well as moments of immense happiness and people driven by the desire to contribute to the happiness of others.
The combination of all this, good and evil, will always be present and inevitable - no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we are the ones who hurt others without realizing it. However, the problem arises when we take for granted the fact thatand to learn, one must suffer, when in reality it is not necessary to hurt to teach, nor to be hurt to learn.
Pain and its positive side
We have repeatedly focused on the fact that every learning is always a gift, even when the teacher is pain - a topic that we will deepen at the end of this article. The suffering, in this case, will not have been in vain, and its fruits will serve us for future experiences. Nobody likes having to suffer to learn their lessons, to go through days of terrible pain and sadness.
"The good and the bad depend on the thinking of who makes them so."
-William Shakespeare-
To fully understand Shakespeare's quote, perhaps we should analyze its context, but even so a part of the truth emerges: faced with situations in which pain is inevitable and which seem to get out of hand, we can do nothing but wait to overcome the bad time. But there is more: it is good to always remember that everything that happens to us first passes through the filters of our mind, the place where we have the last word.
In other words, it is appropriate to discern between when pain is unavoidable and when it can be avoided: the behavior of someone who hurts another person without any reason is neither tolerable nor admissible. Negative experiences help us mature, but only when we are not forced to live them. Otherwise, injury is never a good learning technique.
Make your mark without leaving a wound
We do not need further wounds which, moreover, we probably do not deserve, life already gives us enough. Nobody deserves constant emotional injury that will leave scars. No one should have someone by their side who enjoys hurting them for no reason, convinced that the fastest way to get noticed is to cause pain.
It is not an easy task, but if you happen to get carried away by anger causing pain to other people or if you share your life with someone who does the same, perhaps it is time to think about a change. Almost all of life's teachings could be learned in different ways, without grudges, envy or malice.
"He probably loved me, you know, but he sure had an extraordinary ability to hurt me."
-Mario Benedetti-
We cannot allow others to hurt us for no reason and we have the ability to prevent it - because it doesn't hurt whoever wants to, but whoever can. We must be able to choose people who leave an imprint on us by showing themselves honestly as they are, those who allow us to be better, taking care of our feelings and recognizing the value of our inner "I".
Being hurt is no excuse to hurt
The world is full of toxic people ready to harm us rather than help us, so it is difficult to avoid them causing us pain. However, as already mentioned, taking the reins of our life will help us avoid systematic injuries.
After having lived through situations full of pain, psychological abuse and impositions by others, a series of painful consequences will begin to occur in us; we must have the ability to manage them in the right way, so as to avoid that they lead us to behave in the same way.
People who, for example, were emotionally abandoned as a child and who grew up in an unstable family situation, as adults, will be influenced by a series of completely wrong learnings. In this sense, it is good to keep in mind that using one's suffering as an excuse to hurt in turn does nothing good neither for others nor for themselves. This is not the way to get people to listen to us and learn our message.
“When you hurt another person, you do it because of your own injuries. The deeper they are, the greater the damage done ”.
-Miguel Angel Núñez-
