When everything goes wrong, we don't have to run, we don't have to run away. Let's stop for a moment to understand where we are and what is happening inside us. It's time to make choices: let's analyze which ones may be the right ones.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
“Things don't go as I would like; despite my best efforts, it couldn't get any worse than this ". Many people have this feeling. After having pinned one's hopes, one's enthusiasm in a goal, everything seems to collapse in a short time for the most disparate reasons, for events that sometimes we cannot control.
The Russian writer Antón Chéjov said that only in difficult times do we realize how difficult it is to be able to manage our thoughts and feelings. In a certain sense, it is as if in the face of obstacles the mind falters, as if in the face of a disappointment, a failure or a mistake, emotions are clouded to the point of inducing us to fall into the abyss of anguish.
It is certainly not easy to keep the balance when the situation becomes complicated. Seeing that things are not going the way we would like and expect is frustrating and demotivating. Moreover, in these cases it is useless to hold on to optimism, to repeat that sooner or later everything will be fine.
When the mood is not on our side, it is not easy to weigh the motivations, nor to calibrate the compass of hope. What can we do in these cases? Is there an effective strategy to be implemented? Let's deepen the topic.
If things don't go my way, what should I do?
Daniel Gilbert is a Harvard psychologist who has become famous in recent years. One of his best-known books is Stumbling on Happiness, an interesting study on how we deal with obstacles. Well, one aspect that has caught the attention of experts is why every individual behaves differently in this field.
There are those who, after being paraplegic due to a car accident, release an enviable optimism and ability to react. Then there are those who are betrayed by their partner, but forgive and start a more fulfilling and happy phase of the couple's relationship.
Others, on the other hand, get trapped in goodbye, get overwhelmed by depression after a betrayal, or make a migraine the end of the world. What are the reasons for these differences in managing life's difficulties and challenges?
Doctor Daniel Gilbert talks about a psychological immune system, that is, a mechanism that the brain seems to have at its disposal to process each event, demonstrating greater resistance, constructive and positive. There are people with "better defenses" and others are defined by a poorer immune response.
Being able to activate it, nourish it and strengthen it depends on us, especially in those periods when we have the feeling that everything is going wrong. Let's find out what strategies we should put into practice.
When things don't go my way, it's time to stop
In some periods, nothing goes as we would like. We've all been there at least once. It could be due to external factors, yet it could even that everything is going wrong because our perception is distorted. What do we mean? It may be that our inner discomfort is filtering our gaze with dark glasses, whose lenses are unable to capture the light, the beauty of life and even what is for the best.
Many people live for months with the belief that everything is going wrong, that any effort is useless and that no matter how hard they try to improve things, they will not improve the situation. Behind these realities there is often a form of depression or an anxiety disorder.
In short, it is important to know how to stop and get in touch with your inner world to know what's going on. It may be time to ask for help.
Outline Goals: What I need is more important than what I want
When things don't go my way, maybe it's time to reflect on my desires. Are the goals I have set myself achievable? Do I have the skills and resources to achieve them? Is it the right time to set these goals? Sometimes many of the things we crave and dream of are not in tune with our possibilities or the present moment.
In these cases all that remains is to take a break and reflect on what we really need in the present, rather than on what we want for tomorrow.
Relying on someone to contextualize: this too will pass
Getting trapped in a maze of anguish is really easy when we feel like nothing is going our way. Step by step, we come to the conclusion that either fate makes fun of us or - even worse - that we are not capable of anything. Coming to these two extremes is very dangerous.
One way to keep your feet on the ground and find your balance is to rely on someone's support. There are people who act as a beacon for us and who are our lifeline.
They are those figures who can help us to contextualize and who show us that even if there are negative periods, we must not abandon ourselves to extreme pessimism. It can not rain forever and the important thing is not to lose the north with our inner compass.
When things don't go my way, I stop thinking and just perceive
In moments made only of disappointments, unexpected events, failures and nasty surprises, the mind is a worry factory. It never stops and its systems are active 24 hours a day, 24 days a week. In these cases, we become more anxious and make bad decisions.
Well, when we find ourselves in the middle of these situations, the right thing to do is to stop thinking and just feel. Surely you are wondering, how to do it?
Some activities and tasks help to train the senses and the body, but also to calm the mind. Walking, listening to music, drawing, writing, painting, talking with friends, traveling, meditating, resting. Giving ourselves time to just be and hear will lessen the mental noise to give us a way to restart life, take a step back and see things from another perspective. Let's try.
