Last update: 16 March, 2017
There are magical people. Those who hide a sensor in the heart that allows them to listen, to instantly feel pain, disappointment or happiness. There is no need to say anything, because they know how to read between the lines, between looks and through gestures. They speak the language of affection and their looks hide an ocean of calm in which we like to take refuge.
Emily Dickinson said in one of her poems that no one would have lived in vain if he had managed, at least once, to prevent a heart from breaking, to calm a pain, to help a tired sparrow to find its nest or to relieve a person's pain. Beyond the poetic nature of these considerations, they contain an essential and well-rooted idea: to help, one must listen to the needs of others.
“I learned a lot by listening carefully. Most people don't listen "
-Ernest Hemingway-
However, and we all know this, in our daily life there is a cryptic presence called hypocrisy. Little by little we began to accept it, in an almost implacable way. To the point that there is no lack of those who exalt noble values, such as altruism and respect, while wearing, every day, the diving suit of the hermetic self. Unable to see, hear and understand the people who are close to him.
We cannot forget that those who need help most do not always know or can ask for it. Sufferers do not wear signs, and often take refuge in silence. Like teenagers who lock themselves up in their room or a partner who hides in the other half of the sofa or who cries alone on their side of the bed.
Knowing how to "feel and perceive" the needs of others is what makes us worthy on a human level, as we make use of that emotional closeness that enriches us as a species in caring about those close to us. We invite you to reflect on this topic.
I feel and understand you without you saying anything: emotional reading
Even if we don't believe it, most of us have a unique power: mind reading. That's what Daniel Siegel, Harvard University doctor of psychiatry and director of the Center for Culture, Brain, and Development, says. In his book The Mindful Brain he explains that we can all become great "mind readers", since the mind - and here lies the heart of the matter - is based on a universe of emotions that we must be able to decipher.
In fact, most of us use this "super power" on a daily basis.. We just need to see the mood of our boss and understand that something is wrong. From the tone in which our friend speaks to us, we understand that something is bothering her. We also know when our children are lying to us and when our brother has fallen in love with someone again.
Emotions are like the bubbles of a sparkling wine. They upset our everyday universes, faces, expressions, gestures, words. They flow around us, in a chaotic way, exploding in small bombs of information capable in turn of provoking multiple sensations in us, from the moment we feel empathy towards them. However, Dr. Siegel himself warns us that there are people who suffer from "emotional blindness". On the contrary, there are personalities unable to perceive the emotional "bubbles" of the people closest to them.
William Ickes is one of the psychologists who has most studied the dimension of empathy on an experimental scientific level. Strange as it may seem, and this is a very interesting fact, at the family level, the capacity for empathy among its members generally does not exceed 35 points. While in good friendships 70 points are exceeded.
The reason? At the family level it is common to establish personal filters. On some occasions, we just see our children, partner, siblings or parents as we want and not as they really are. With a mental blindness in which we make sure that everything is fine, that our "little world" has no flaws, when in reality, there are many things to be remedied and many bonds to heal.
People who know how to listen with their hearts
Listening to what other people communicate to us without the need for words is called emotional communication. This "super power" has evolved in our species through all those brain areas that configure the dimension of empathy. From the University of Monash (Australia) they explain to us that affective empathy would be related to the insular cortex, while cognitive empathy would be located in the middle cingulate cortex, just above the connection between the two cerebral hemispheres.
"We must listen to the head, but let the heart speak"
-Marguerite Yourcenar-
We all have these structures, but we do not always strengthen their capacities, energy and that bond which, surely, would greatly enrich all our relationships. The reason why not everyone knows how to hear or listen to us with that authentic closeness is often the lack of willpower or excess of ego.. That's what Emily Dickinson told us in her poem about her: no life will be in vain if she can hear and help another.
Why he who feels from the bottom of his heart awakens and he who helps shows a real will and concern for others. And this is where that wonderful power is born that makes us unique, which allows us to have quality relationships and which, essentially, gives us the most wonderful power that exists: that of giving happiness.
