Last update: May 21, 2015
Ending a relationship is always painful. Sometimes it hurts more, sometimes it hurts less, it all depends on various factors. Clearly it affects the length of the relationship, but also its quality and the expectations we had created about it. Age, life history, emotional stability, and context are additional elements that have a decisive impact on how you cope with a breakup.
As you can see, there are many variables that come into play. Because of this the pain of a breakup is unique to each person and cannot be compared to that of anyone else. In addition to what has been mentioned, we can add that a separation can be tolerated better if one knows how to manage it. For this reason, it is good to know some of the most frequent mistakes that you could run into if you do not become aware of them.
Thinking it won't hurt
Sometimes you feel so strong that you actually come to believe that you are above the pain of a breakup. Perhaps you have self-love or a highly developed form of narcissism and for this reason you do not admit the possibility that a separation can affect you. You may not even shed a tear, but even then it's not uncommon for you to start sleeping badly, feeling irritable, or becoming intolerant and rigid in the face of everything.
These are expressions of pain that you don't want to face. Experiencing a moment of pain is neither strange nor negative. Admitting that loss saddens you does not mean that you are less courageous or weaker for this reason. The longer you postpone the pain, the more your emotions will be affected.
Idealizing the past
It is very common to attribute almost supernatural qualities to the partner who has left, particularly if it was that person who ended the relationship. For many there is a sort of selective amnesia: one forgets about defects and negative moments, starting a process of endless idealization. Many assure that "there is no one else" like their ex.
One must make an effort to see the situation objectively. Breakages do not happen by magic, but are the result of very precise factors, although at the beginning they cannot be identified. Those responsible for these factors are always the members of the couple, so instead of fueling the romance, it is time to think with a clear head and admit that your duty is to move on.
Confusing nostalgia with the desire to get back together
The person who is no longer next to you will miss you, and this is completely normal. You certainly spent a lot of time together and had a world of shared complicity. It is not easy to get used to its absence from day to night without experiencing frequent moments of nostalgia.
However, missing that person is not necessarily a sign that you want to get back with him / her. You have to give time to time. There is nothing that time does not cure and sometimes it is just a matter of letting the days pass naturally and enduring the frustration of the moment. Gradually you will stop feeling the emptiness left by this person.
Image courtesy of: Luis Sarabia.
