Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
If you suffer from anxiety it is useless to hear phrases like "calm down, relax, you will see that you will feel better". We can do it for a few minutes, but soon this fearsome enemy will return to take our breath away and enthusiasm. This is because anxiety is not a disease, it is rather a symptom, the echo of a widespread, profound and formless problem that needs to be explained and managed.
We all know this feeling. It usually starts with a twinge in the chest, as if the famous devil in Heinrich Füssli's painting, “Nightmare”, sat on us every day to take away our vital energy. Then muscle pain, headache, digestive problems, insomnia take over.
"Anxiety with fear and fear with anxiety contribute to stealing from the human being the most essential of his abilities: reflection"
-Konrad Lorenz-
NWe cannot forget that the physical symptoms intensify every day due to the lethal mix of distorted thoughts, mostly negative, and the constant feeling of danger. And it doesn't matter if we're not getting anything done or if we're on vacation: if our mind is trapped in this dark tunnel, full of fears and catastrophic thoughts, relaxing won't help us.
When it is not possible for us to think clearly, many things will not be useful at all, although we think the opposite. We can do yoga, we can color mandalas, we can listen to music and go for a walk. They are all positive, relaxing, beneficial activities, no doubt. But they are only temporary benefits that do not solve the original problem.
In reality, when it comes to dealing with anxiety-related processes, success lies in a multidisciplinary approach. relaxation is definitely therapeutic, as is the support of our loved ones, sport and a balanced diet. However, we also need a cognitive-behavioral strategy that helps us reconsider some aspects and make changes.
Below we will see how to deal with this reality in the best possible way, starting first from what is not helpful for those who suffer from anxiety and want to permanently eliminate it.
What not to do when suffering from anxiety
1. When something worries us, we don't have to run away
Anna works in the sales department of a large company. Every morning she comes into the company at 8, but for a week she has been showing up late. The curious thing is that she is punctual in leaving the house, but just as he is about to take the freeway to go to work, he turns around and drives to a bar. Here she drinks an herbal tea and to herself thinks that within an hour she won't think about anything, she just wants to relax.
As we can understand from this simple example, the protagonist is "running away" from the real problem. He feels unable to go to work. And what starts with a delay at work can end up turning into a decline in performance because pressure, fear and anxiety will lead you to feel unable to fulfill your responsibilities.
What is the right way to behave in these cases?
These reactions are absolutely normal for a very simple reason. When our brains perceive a threat, it orders the production of cortisol to prepare our bodies for flight or fight.
- The problem is that avoiding the problem, in the long run, makes anxiety worse by intensifying it.
- By continuing to repeat this escape behavior, we end up seeing ourselves as people unable to cope with the situation. Consequently, this fear seems even more threatening to us.
- Rather than running away, avoiding, or distracting ourselves with other things so as not to think about what is bothering us, a useful strategy is rationalize the situation through questions that begin with a "What if ...?"
- What would happen if I told my boss that I disagree with this or that?
- What if my boss agrees and the work situation improves?
- What would happen if I lost my job?
- What would happen if I put all my effort into looking for a job that suited my potential?
2. We must not feed the whirlwind of thoughts
Constant, obsessive worry is the cognitive component of anxiety. One of its worst side effects is depriving us of the capacity for reflection, of knowing how to analyze facts calmly and from a more logical and useful perspective. Therefore, anxiety sufferers should keep the following in mind.
- When something worries us, scares us or bothers us, the mind naturally tends to create a chaotic epicenter with all these negative aspects. In a short time the most harmful emotions and that feeling of threat that intensifies the worry arise.
- To stop this vicious circle, this dog biting its tail, you have to become aware of it and stop it. In these cases, progressive relaxation exercises and diaphragmatic breathing are very useful. It should be remembered, however, that they are useful for calming symptoms such as muscle tension and inner agitation.
- Only when we perceive that our body is more relaxed and the mind clearer, will we begin to break the cycle of negative thoughts and see new possibilities. We will make new proposals to ourselves, we will focus on the present rather than anticipating things that haven't happened yet.
To overcome the demon of anxiety in everyday life, let's set short-term goals that are simple, logical and positive. We also need to conduct an inner dialogue through which to be allies of ourselves, not enemies.
3. There is no point in denying anxiety or even wanting to erase it
One thing that should be very clear to those with anxiety is that it makes no sense to want to erase it from your life. It will always be there because it is part of the human being and, as strange as it may seem to us, it is also useful for our survival and to make us better adapt to our context.
For a better understanding, let's pause for a moment to reflect on these ideas:
- We will always be able to live with our anxiety as long as it does not turn into an enemy.
- The best way to live with anxiety is to allow it to be with us by observing it closely, controlling it, anticipating its triggers. If not, she will automatically take control, and we won't even notice.
- Anxiety will become negative when our life is blocked and limited by it, with negative consequences - however small - on our relationships and our work commitments.
Positive anxiety, on the other hand, can act as a real psychological skill. It pushes us to be better, to anticipate risks in order to solve them, to see opportunities that we can take advantage of thanks to our potential; it frees us from neglect and passivity to make us capable of achieving their goals.
In conclusion, as we have seen, those who suffer from anxiety do not have a single way to deal with it and manage it: there are many ways. Everything, however, begins with understanding that anxiety is the mind that wants to go faster than life. We slow down and learn to talk to ourselves.
