Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
Tinderella syndrome comes from the union of two terms: Tinder and Cinderella (Cinderella in English). In psychology it was decided to give a name to people who limit themselves to flirting through an application, but who never materialize it in real dates. If you get to this point, they usually put in place the "ghosting", that is, they disappear without giving explanations.
One thing that pretty much all of us know is that love in the age of the internet sets new practices and dynamics into operation which do not go unnoticed by psychologists, sociologists and anthropologists. There is therefore a need for new labels and new names to shape other behavioral patterns that obviously did not occur in previous generations.
Tinderella syndrome arises from the union of Tinder and Cinderella (Cinderella in English) and represents people who prefer a flirt through WhatsApp, without taking the next step to make an appointment.
This phenomenon itself is neither good nor bad, it is just different. We currently have a much better chance of meeting people and being even more selective in finding one partner. We select profiles, do research, compare and make more or less thoughtful selections to wait for the desired "match" with which to move shortly after to a new phase, the one in which we begin to communicate with this person who has attracted our attention.
For many, it's little more than some kind of fun market. These flirting apps offer us the opportunity to separate love from sex and limit ourselves to sex if we feel like it. We continue, however, to strive to find a lasting relationship, which in some cases actually happens. In fact, many of us know beautiful love stories born in this way.
In recent years, psychologists like Jenny Stallard and Emma Kenny have begun to observe another dynamic that they wanted to make visible using a very suggestive name: tinderella syndrome. People who never make a date, profiles who just enjoy the simple flirting and intimacy established through virtual channels.
Tinderella syndrome: the pleasure of flirting with someone I won't know
It seems like a big contradiction, but it happens a lot more than we think.Why sign up in an application to flirt or find a partner if in the end you don't intend to meet that person face to face? Basically because that initial phase full of news, discoveries, contrast of interests and conversations at midnight is more than enough and satisfying for some.
Now, an even more interesting element is added to the Tinderella syndrome: it is common for “Tinderellis” to flirt with several people at the same time and that they are always looking for new options, new partners who will replace the others when they decide to "disappear" without giving explanations.
Let's see further characteristics that define this behavior:
- The process of finding and selecting a partner through applications is more stimulating than getting to know people physically and face to face. In real life, tinderella often lacks social skills.
- They tend to be fascinating and very interesting in the universe online and, to the point of generating high expectations in potential partners waiting for an offline appointment, which will never happen.
- In general, Tinderellas quickly lose interest in these people. They end up ghosting overnight without explaining and leaving false promises behind.
Love in the time of Tinder
As we said in the beginning, love in the age of the internet, and particularly in the age of Tinder, has brought to light new challenges for many psychologists. As surprising as it may be, there are people who feel compelled to grieve over a relationship that never took place.
They are phantom and fruitless relationships that occur after spending some time chatting or sharing confidences, plans, and dreams with other people you have not come to physically know. However, the expectations for this relationship were so high that after the disappearance online and of the other person, the pain is tremendous.
All of this is happening right now and it is an obvious reality. Now, the problem itself is not about the ghosting victim, absolutely not. Behind the Tinderella syndrome there is one personality indecisive and insecure, perhaps with a social phobia or with an immature view of human relationships.
Having 5 or 20 "suitors" on Tinder or keeping dozens of conversations on WhatsApp to dive into to flirt, seduce or arouse false illusions is a very juicy incentive for many of these people. They are positive reinforcements where there is no obligation, where the game of seduction is constant without the need to consolidate anything.
The tinderello or the tinderella will live ad aeternam in the illusion of a childish and capricious love; claiming countless victims in their path. Another reality to be taken into consideration in a complex and constantly evolving society.
