Last update: April 01, 2016
This word that goes around my soul when I hear your name: heart. A word I don't use with anyone, especially when it comes to my feelings seriously. I can't say I love you, but I can't say that I want you either; loving and willing are not the same thing.
Even if my soul filled with light every time I think about it, I will never lie to you and tell you that in the past this was the case. I can't even tell you that I have missed you every moment and every day, in every place I returned to thinking of finding you still there, waiting for me, as in the past.
The times when I was dying to kiss you, hug you and feel you inside me are millions, just like the stars are millions, but I'd keep lying to you. I can't help but consider not thinking about you when I'm with other people.
"We learn to love not when we find the perfect person, but when we can see an imperfect person perfectly".
(Sam Keen)
Every time I kiss other lips, your smell makes me drunk again
Could it be that I need you? I can't answer this question. I can't feel if I need you or if when I'm with you, I'm the happiest person in the universe.
No, none of that. But I tell the truth when I say that every month your memory resurfaces, when I think that every time the phone rings it could be you, when I remember your beautiful smile and your sweet gaze that landed on me.
When I kiss other lips, your smell makes me drunk again; it makes me drunk when I remember your gestures, your words and even your silences.
I don't lie when I say that you do and will always be part of me. You are part of my essence because you have shown me how wonderful life is. That place where heaven and earth come together to admire what is most incredible in humanity: the eternal memory.
"Absence and time are nothing when you love".
(Alfred de Musset)
I have wondered many times if ...
I wonder if there was true love in our story. And every time I think about it, I realize that this wasn't love, but it was still wonderful.
There are no words to describe our relationship, only a truly brave would dare to define it. Because, If I have to rely on my feelings towards you, I would be lying if I said you are not indifferent to me, that I haven't asked at least a thousand stars what would have become of us if it wasn't for me.
I would hide from you the eternal emotions I have towards you if I denied the fact that every night I remembered your warm kisses and the caresses you gave to my hair, if I said I deleted your phone number to forget about you and move on.
Even if I don't want to, I keep remembering everything related to your world, everything that previously belonged to both of you and to your heart.
Love must be built day by day
The problem with my life and everything that has to do with you is that it just “happens”. It happens and it is real because love is built day by day, through moments that last years and lifetimes, because the deepest emotions come to light, which are true and have consequences in my reality.
It is true that my feelings, as you could understand, are not clear, as they fade away, but then they come back, just like shooting stars. They are full of doubts and probably also full of expectations and hopes of love.
It's all the fault of my immaturity and my lack of experience, I didn't know what I wanted, I wasn't able to appreciate you as you deserved. But each of my tears shed for your heart is true, and thanks to them I will always have you in mind.
I am telling the truth when I say that in every eternal night my soul remembers that I have lost you because of my incompleteness. But I can't stop wanting you. I didn't say I love you, because loving someone means offering yourself to him, while wanting someone means wanting his heart away from him.
