Life is not a race. To be happy, you don't have to be the best at everything or outdo others. We are our only point of reference, the only person to listen to in order to surpass ourselves.
Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
To win in life you don't always have to cross the finish line, get on the podium or get a gold medal. Although they convince us of this, to be happy we don't have to compete, measure ourselves against each other or put ourselves to the test with hundreds of challenges. Authentic well-being is achieved by working on yourself, taking yourself as a reference point to achieve what you really need.
Well, if there is something that from an early age they unconsciously instill in us it is the need to compete. The first to finish their homework wins, whoever gets the highest grade is the best in the class, the most outgoing, beautiful and likeable will be more successful at school. There is always the need to "be better than others" to obtain rewards and win in life.
We must give space to our capacity for effort and our desires in achieving our goals. Working on what we want and giving our best in all circumstances is the right thing to do. The problem, however, is that many people feel the constant need to compete with others, to strive to show that you have more than others and always be one step ahead.
These are situations I frequent and require an incredible consumption of time and energy, but as we will discover in this article, winning in life does not necessarily mean being competitive.
Winning in life means finding happiness that suits us
There are many people who face the day as a sort of continuous race. We need to get the best job, the most beautiful car, the most spectacular Christmas tree, organize the most original birthday for our children so that they become the most popular children at school ... this, the competition, putting oneself in a position of superiority over all the others.
Let us reflect on one point. Those who interpret life through this filter force themselves to constantly experience only one sensation: frustration, the inability to feel satisfied in any aspect of life. Because there will always be those who will be better than us in something. The need to compete, to be better than others is the most useless of sufferings.
Winning in life should be possible by conquering a happiness that resides only and only in us. Overcoming yourself, setting goals, and challenging yourself to overcome them is the most satisfying of life's tests. Yet we spend most of our lives applying what ecologists call the principle of competitive exclusion, that is, a continuous challenge with others to position ourselves in front of everyone.
But something is changing. In our world, increasingly interconnected and globalized, new social dynamics and more urgent needs are arising. Now, as never before, it is a priority to establish a life based on cooperation and less competition to solve the countless challenges ahead of us.
Why do some people prefer to compete rather than collaborate?
We have spent a good part of our life adopting a competitive behavior in most of the social spheres. We did it because it was (and is) the only way to get a job, a role, the attention or respect of a group ... Well, regardless of the occasions when it is necessary to compete, there are those who do it by nature. The reason?
- People often compete for low self-esteem. People who in order to win in life need to feel superior to others and feed their ego, breaking down their insecurities. For them, collaborating with others does not bring any benefit.
- Other people are focused on envy, on the almost obsessive need to have what is owned by others, to succeed where others have been successful.
Last but not least, we cannot forget that highly competitive people with a clearly aggressive profile hide within themselves the shadow of pathological and harmful narcissism. They are men and women who yearn for success at any cost, against any competitor.
To win in life, cooperate and be your only point of reference
If you want to win in life, challenge yourself. Do not aspire to what others have, do not trample others to gain a position of power. Because in the long run, you will always be pushed to want more, you will always find deficiencies to fill, envy to satisfy. A competitive life is a life of constant suffering.
Competing with yourself is different. By setting yourself as a reference for yourself and setting goals and challenges on your horizon, the motivation will grow and the final reward will have a different flavor. Little by little you will build a happiness within your reach, at your pace and suitable for you.
At the same time, one detail must be kept in mind: the time has come to implement a collaborative intelligence, in which we can all take part together by bringing ideas, actions, collaboration. It is time to put the competition aside and create alliances to move forward together into the future creating solutions for the real needs of the present.
