Last update: February 18, 2022
We often think that the worst thing that can happen to a couple is that the relationship does not go well, even though there is love. This is not true: the worst thing that can happen in a couple, as well as in any other relationship, is that what doesn't work takes another step into the negative pole and causes them to become toxic.
By toxic we mean harmful. In this case, a relationship no longer brings well-being to the two partners, but takes it away. It becomes a kind of acid that corrodes them and they both turn into a brake on their own and others' growth.
Toxic love in a relationship
Toxic love is an emotional pain that comes from the heart of one's union, of one's commitment that becomes poisonous. A toxic relationship is like a weakened spirit that needs another person to be able to feed and survive, as it is unable to do so on its own.. This "love" is an emotional pain that can destroy all the healthy parts of a person until there is only emptiness.
Toxic love hides behind a smokescreen, where people deceive themselves into thinking their partner isn't bad; they try to see things positively, saying to himself, for example: “he does this because he is a protective person, he loves me above all else and wants to take care of me”. However, the reality is that that relationship is based only on uncertainty, anger, necessity, insecurity and suspicion.
A person who spends too much time in a toxic relationship loses sight of what a healthy relationship really is: she will forget about it and will think that what happens to her is normal, even if there is nothing further from reality. A love relationship is based on respect and building a common path, full of good times that will make both partners happy.
"Disturbing emotions and toxic relationships have been identified as risk factors that favor the onset of certain diseases."
(Daniel Goleman)
Any relationship can turn into a toxic relationship if the two partners don't take care of their emotional health. Being with a toxic person can lead to a harmful love relationship. It is necessary to be uncompromising on some aspects, not to tolerate them under any circumstances. Because love isn't always unconditional and if your partner doesn't behave well, you need to get help right away.
If he despises you or disrespects you
John Gottman, one of the most respected experts in the field of couple psychology, says that, when observing two boyfriends, the first thing he pays attention to is contempt and disrespect in communication. According to Gottman, contempt and disrespect are unequivocal signs that the continuity of the couple is at a truly critical point.
John Gottman explains that contempt and disrespect often also include sarcasm, cynicism, insults, voluntary lack of attention, mockery or hostile humor. Normally, all this happens when there is disrespect towards one's partner, when problems are not resolved and the relationship is shattered, as well as the self-esteem of people when they have a partner who despises them.
If for him / her you are the last wheel of the wagon
Health, children and work are daily priorities, but the relationship as a couple cannot be in the last place. If your partner does not pay attention to you and even ignores you, then there is a problem that does not allow you to move forward. This attitude takes the name of "neglect of the couple" and it is a real fact; such lack of interest is a killer that slowly kills your relationship. Two people who love each other must make sure they fulfill their emotional needs as well as those of the other.
"In all types of relationships, if one person feels that the other is not doing anything about the relationship, they will begin to disrespect the relationship."
(Sherry Argov)
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Infidelity cannot be tolerated, much less when you take the utmost care of your relationship every day. A healthy couple requires complete fidelity and not the search for emotions and experiences in someone else's arms, without their partner's knowledge.
Betrayal is also when you flirt with someone, when you talk badly about your partner, when you spend time alone with other individuals with the intent of starting an affair. Sometimes, "infidelity" does not necessarily mean having sex with another person: it can also mean disrespecting your partner and the relationship. that you are building with him / her.
If he mistreats you physically or verbally
Words can cause the same emotional wound as a hematoma after a beating. Physical, verbal and emotional abuse is not acceptable in any relationship, much less a romantic one. If your partner beats you, humiliates you, forces you to have sex against your will, or treats you badly, you need to seek help immediately.
In the face of mistreatment of any kind, you must not hide or be silent. You deserve to find happiness within yourself and to break the chains of the prison that is making you suffer.
