Last update: December 03, 2015
“All my life I have conceived of love as a kind of accepted slavery.
It is a lie: freedom exists only when love is present. Whoever abandons himself totally, who feels free, loves to the extreme.
And whoever loves to the extreme, feels free. In love, no one can be hurt. Each of us is responsible for what he feels, and he can't blame the other.
You don't lose anyone, since you don't own anyone.
This is the authentic experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world, without owning it. "
In Eleven Minutes, of Paulo Coelho
Love is neither control nor demand, it is freedom and trust. Still, emotional slavery is much more common than one would expect.
Although the theory is well known to all, the practice is practiced by few. Who is it that she really has the guts to tell her partner that she doesn't need him, but that she prefers him? Virtually none.
In fact, this happens because we are not really aware of what it means to tell someone "I can't live without you". By pronouncing these words in addition to other similar expressions, we are subduing our partner.
It is certainly a very subtle subjection, since in reality we do not want to place the responsibility for our happiness or our life on our love. Yet, in this way, we create expectations that jeopardize the balance of love.
Sometimes we don't fall in love, we become slaves
The truth is that love and addiction are incompatible to the point that if they coexist, they destroy each other. In other words, if love turns into an emotional prison, despite the couple's relationship remaining, it will blur to the point of leaving room for addiction.
However, it takes so long to realize that we have cemented our relationship badly, that we end up demanding from fate that something changes in order to be happy.
We live in the belief that love must be a fairy tale with fairies, princes and princesses, in which everything ends well. However, the fateful "and they lived happily ever after" happens only in movies, when the actors play their part well.
For this reason, we believe it is right to get used to the security obtained by having someone by our side. The only ones who can achieve happiness and stability in our life, however, are ourselves.
We are whole people, not sweet halves
“They made us believe that each of us is half of an apple, that life only makes sense when we can find the other half.
They didn't tell us that we are born whole, that nobody in our life deserves to carry on their shoulders the responsibility of completing what we lack ... "
John Lennon
In other words, we can say that we feel love when we do not require others to love us or to do something for us, either explicitly or implicitly. Truly healthy love is one based on offering and exchanging affection and attention. It is a breakdown that takes place on both sides.
Love will last as long as you take care of it, and you will take care of it as long as you want to. This is why it is so important to analyze what we expect from ourselves and our relationship; it is the only way to be fair and to find the right balance.
Loving yourself is not a privilege for a few, but a reward constantly at hand. You can love and even adore your partner, but always in such a way as to allow us to continue to grow and heal our self-esteem, as well as to mature as a couple and advance as people.
Having this concept clearly in mind means fully respecting each other and ensuring the functioning of a relationship not based on mutual subjugation. If we keep this in mind, we will avoid any kind of submission, since not everything is allowed in love, let alone the demands.
