Last update: 01 September, 2015
I can't count on the fingers of one hand all the times I've been wrong in life. I don't even know how many times I haven't met the expectations of the people around me. In fact, I have to admit that I've gotten to the bowels of failure.
In my own way I am a rebel, for right and wrong reasons, I have made forgivable mistakes and others that need time to assimilate them. I confused forgiveness with the hope that what I did would fall by the wayside due to the same inertia that is unleashed when memories accumulate.
I got into serious trouble without it being necessary, but the worst part is that the negative consequences of these complications have been suffered by the people around me. I accepted their offer to shield me.
I have lost the north more than once. And also the south, the east and the west. I opened my hands and let it all fall, I let it all fall apart. I'm talking about important things, those that leave scars, those that hardly go away and come back.
Why correct errors?
I had a chance to get back what I had lost, but, out of pride, I did nothing to recover it. I scratched and bitten myself and a pain that I am condemned to because it is my fault alone. This is why I say that it is above all our ineptitude to harm ourselves and then others ...
My mental folders would not be enough for me if I wanted to put in order all the times I did not meet the expectations in life. I don't know how many times I drank from the bottle of defeat, the taste of which is even worse than the syrup I drank as a child when I was sick. Well, the taste of the adult syrup is not good either.
Disappointments always arouse the same anger, even if you've put together several kaleidoscopes to look at them.
So I look forward ...
From time to time, when I stop and look ahead, I am aware that I still have many disappointments to experience. What comforts me is that it is not all here, there is much more.
As children we receive evaluations for our work, in order to learn to compare ourselves with others and to emerge. Later, we understand that we started our life by learning badly and that no one can be compared to anyone. In fact, all are the result of an individual and personal journey.
So, we understand that most of the things they have told us are disappointing and that we have no other remedy other than to be ourselves and that it is worth deluding ourselves a little in the possibility of being so. Even if they label us as "strange" or "different", even if we may disappoint those who have stopped to think about how we will be in a few years.
But, despite everything ...
When I realized all this, the intensity of my disappointments gradually diminished, I could not blame anyone because the responsibility was mine alone. I changed my attitude trying to learn as much as possible from the defeats.
I fixed the center of gravity of my emotions within me, so I began to be more emotionally stable.
I don't know what's going to happen because I don't really have a future out of my head, but at the moment I think this honesty exercise is worth doing..
I can ask any person I want for advice, they can inform me if my road will have many uphill or downhill sections or ask the sky to understand where the wind blows. I will analyze the circumstances, my circumstances, one by one, calmly, but I will choose my direction.
So when I have to surrender to victory or defeat, or both, I will experience all their intensity and nothing I have invested will have invested in vain. It will never be a disappointment.
