Last update: April 25, 2016
We hear, but we don't listen. We live in a society where we don't care what others have to tell us, as all that matters is what we are convinced of. Listening is an attitude that we do not always assume.
According to Daniel Goleman's studies, individuals who achieve professional success are usually more receptive and have a very broad range of interests. People with greater listening skills and empathy also have greater control of situations and their own resources.
Who knows how to listen perceives even the silence and the most imperceptible gesture of the person in front of him, because speaking is a necessity, but listening is an art that not everyone masters.
Communication is not based only on the issuing of messages by two or more people. It is more, because communicating also depends on our personality, on our emotional intelligence and from our empathy. We invite you to reflect on this.
"Mental noises" limit our ability to listen
We talk too much and don't listen. According to economist and science writer Otto Sharmer, people should produce an opening that starts directly from the heart; in other words, access the deeper levels of their emotional perception and activate them to be more receptive.
Nature did not give us ears only to hear: it also gave us to learn to listen. If, in our daily life, we are unable to listen or we do not do it effectively enough, it is due to some interference, the so-called "mental noises":
- We listen as if we had set the "autopilot" and we have already acquired habits, so we don't want others to convince us of things we obviously already know.
- We are focused on ourselves and on “but I already know this”.
- We tend to limit our ability to listen to things that confirm our beliefs, we make a selection.
Knowing that the basic law of human relations is our ability to interconnect, we must put aside individuality and its noise, according to which everything revolves around the self, and open ourselves to the environment that surrounds us. Here's how to do it.
Listening with the heart: a real art
Wilbur Schramm, an authoritative expert in communication models, explains that when a dialogue is established, the important thing is not the message itself, but the emotional state of the interlocutors. An explanatory sentence of this concept could be “I answer based on how I feel and not what I listen to”.
Our mind talks to us all the time. Noises from the past, unfulfilled desires, fears, limiting attitudes, rigid beliefs, worries and emotions mix with each other. Sometimes it is almost impossible to extricate ourselves from all of these things to really connect with the person in front of us.
If your mind keeps you busy all day with its noise, what will your listening ability be like?
Silence your mind and slow down
Slowness is a philosophy that we should integrate into our life since existence is not just about "rushing".
- Consider slowing down to regain control of your surroundings and, in this way, free your mind to appreciate the present more fully.
- Disconnect from outside noises every day (cell phone, traffic, television, etc.) and then focus on the inner noise and do some cleaning.
Develop your intuition
What does intuition have to do with listening skills? Being intuitive means being able not to suppose things before having heard them, knowing how to listen with an open heart and mind, without prejudices or preconceptions.
- Sometimes it is enough to look at our interlocutor with a smile or a sincere look to show him that we understand him.
- Sensing the emotions of others means adopting empathy in our conversations, as well as offering intimacy and understanding.
- Intuition means having the ability to say everything we need at the right time, and then not be left thinking “I should have told him…”.
Be open to other points of view, allow yourself to listen and learn
We talk too much and don't listen to those around us as we should, when, in reality, their opinions and experiences could interest us and enrich us.
- We live in a society where we care more about what our friends post on social networks, rather than assisting them in person to hear what they have to tell us.
- Be receptive to everything around you, open your mind and allow yourself to be more free and curious. Sometimes, a simple conversation can be a real revelation, a personal change. Dare to try.
Knowing how to listen means feeling the other person as part of us, without barriers, embracing his existence in an empathic, free and sincere way.
