Last update: 16 November 2015
“Don't walk in front of me, I might not follow you.
Don't walk behind me, I may not be a guide.
Just walk beside me and be my friend. "
(Albert Camus)
Friendship is perhaps the most perfect form of love. Unlike relationships with family, friendship is a bond that is chosen, not inherited. It is also different from couple love: in friendship there are no obligations or pacts of exclusivity.
Furthermore, each form of love requires friendship, but friendship does not require that there be another form of love.
They say that whoever finds a friend finds a treasure. It's really true. Good friends are a balm for life and an antidote to physical and emotional diseases.
However, not all the people we deal with every day are our friends. And not even all those who claim to be our friends are really friends. Deep and sincere friendships are rare and, for this reason, they must be treated.
What is a true friend like?
He genuinely cares about you
He doesn't just appear when he needs you or when he has nothing better to do. Because of this, he always knows what you need and does not wait to be searched to show up. He is interested in your life and is the first to come when something serious happens to you.
The concern he feels about you is selfless. He simply loves you and wants you to be well. He does not panic if something bad happens to you, nor does he experience the emotional intensity typical of other relationships, but you always have the certainty that there is.
He wants to understand you and not judge you
"A friend is a person with whom you can think aloud" (Emerson)
Friendship presupposes mutual acceptance. A true friend does not want to change you, criticize you or question your life. He knows you have flaws, but he's not interested in pointing them out. And, if it does, it is with the intention of making you suffer less and not transforming you into another person.
A true friend is open to understanding. If you tell him about your problems, he will try to understand your point of view and not point out your mistakes. That's why with him / her you feel so comfortable and you show yourself for who you are.
Relieve difficult situations
A true friend knows that he is not your mother, your psychologist or your confessor. For this reason, instead of lecturing you and telling you how right it is to live, shares difficult moments with you in a spontaneous and simple way.
If he knows you're in trouble, he invites you for an ice cream or a walk around the park. If he knows you're going through a tough time, he'll play down the situation and joke with you to make the situation lighter. If he knows that you are in pain, he will be by your side in a calm and non-invasive way.
He knows how to listen to you
If there is something that distinguishes true friendship, it is the ability to listen, which goes much further than remaining silent while the other is talking. Sincere listening is respectful and tepid, pay attention to the words of others and also help others to self-listen.
Knowing how to listen means not interfering with what the other says, if it is not necessary. It means accepting what the other exposes, without gestures or attitudes of disapproval. It means to accompany someone in silence, while he shapes his ideas and feelings through words.
He is sincere and has a bad memory
Great friends don't pretend, they don't lie about what they think about you, nor about what they feel about you. The charm of friendship lies in having faith in one another. There is no room for false courtesy and hypocrisy.
In other types of relationships, a wrong or an argument can escalate, but not in friendship. True friendship easily forgets these fights and turns the page smoothly. Obviously there are limits, but daily disagreements do not create major conflicts.
It takes two to build a true friendship. Do not check if your friends have all the qualities listed in this article, rather do the exercise of seeing if you are good friends. Certainly, those who know how to be friends will find true friends.
