Last update: January 23, 2016
Unrequited love is perhaps one of the most painful situations one can experience in life. Those who have lived it know it and have felt it with their whole being.
Precisely for this reason, however, it also represents our greatest opportunity to learn a valuable lesson on ourselves. In these moments we find ourselves totally uncovered from a sentimental point of view, we are much more fragile and hypersensitive to what is happening around us.
Experiencing such a situation can be traumatic and distressing, but at the same time it can enrich and help clear your mind. It allows us to obtain, without any doubt, a unique perspective through which to see all the facets that we didn't think we had.
It is as if time stops suddenly. Our heartbeat speeds up every time we think about the person we love and have a fixation for.
The melancholy of loving
Melancholy is a faithful companion of unrequited love. It is the disease of the lover dissatisfied due to unrequited affection, desire and the constant need for fusion.
"Any lover whose love is sincere and who cannot enjoy the passion of love, whether it is for separation, for the disdain of being loved or because, moved by his own circumstances, he keeps his feelings in secret, will inevitably come to the border with the disease showing himself fragile and exhausted, conditions that will sometimes force him to bed "
-Ibn Hazm-
We are moved by the desire to share every single part of our life with that person, whatever we remember. Every place she has been to becomes sacred, we get excited and excited when we pass it, even if it's just fantasy.
We live in expectation of every little contact, and as a result we can only feel nostalgia: a sadness lodged in the depths of our hearts. It is in these cases that we feel true loneliness, since we are not at the side of the person we want.
Just as in the case of the melancholy of love - a sentiment on which troubadours insisted so much in the Middle Ages - this disease brings together causes and remedies in a single person: being loved.
The frustration of unrequited love
During the long and tortuous process of unrequited love, it is inevitable to be overwhelmed by frustration, which invades us due to the expectations, illusions and fantasies that the passage of time has not been able to satisfy.
Failure to reciprocate love can occur in two cases: a falling in love with someone who does not correspond or an abandonment resulting from a previous situation of mutual love.
In both cases, the intensity of frustration can bring with it various physical and psychological problems, due to the self-destruction that the body carries out, and which is caused by all hopes and expectations that remain eternally unfulfilled.
At what moment do you lose hope and the desire to be with a person? The answer to this question is perhaps known to those who have already gone through this situation. But there is a particular aspect to keep in mind: the answer and the solution will be different for each of your loved ones.
Agree not to be paid
The whole process of maturity and self-knowledge ends with the acceptance phase. We end up understanding and internalizing the fact that love cannot be controlled, that it does not depend on our will, and that no one can try it, as much as they want.
“Not being loved is simple misfortune; the real misfortune is not to love. "
-Albert Camus-
Likewise, the one who loves cannot make his feelings disappear as he pleases. He can only limit himself to observing how they transform as he experiences life.
Love is part of the sphere of spirituality, it cannot be made objective. It is a profound joy that overwhelms us and fills us with desire for being loved, convincing us that nothing in the world matters if not the well-being of that person.
Only those who love in these conditions know what their limit is, which is the moment in which he will have to surrender himself to the acceptance of reality.
It is about that moment when despair, malaise and melancholy have reached their maximum intensity; when feelings are not reciprocated, instead of repressing them, they let themselves die; this leads to the relationship transforming rather than shattering.
Complaining for having loved and not having been reciprocated is a sign of great ingratitude, since the very fact of having experienced love is the greatest gift that one can ever receive. The magnitude and intensity of love exists to make our souls bloom, as well as to carve us through wounds.
"I keep it for real,
whatever happens:
I feel it when I suffer most:
It is better to have loved, and lost,
That I have never loved. "
-Lord Alfred Tennyson-
