Expectations can weigh like a boulder in the life path of every person. On the contrary, he who expects nothing gains his freedom.
Last update: June 03, 2020
Generally speaking, we usually expect events to happen as we would like. We create expectations about how things should go and how others should be with us. For example, we expect someone to react positively to something we say or do. Or let's hope it doesn't rain just when we have a trip planned. However, how often are we disappointed in a situation or person? What is the secret to not having such experiences and to stop suffering? Simple: don't expect anything. Whoever expects nothing, loses nothing.
While it may seem a bit daunting, we can rephrase the concept differently. It's better than not creating expectations, because that comes with great power. But we are not suggesting you laze on the sofa, passively watching life go by.
Not at all: we mean something much more active and dynamic. We are talking about work on the mind, so as not to create false hopes or wrong ideas. But why is it so important? Because those who don't expect anything get rid of disappointments. But let's go in order ...
Those who expect nothing already have everything
How can we not expect something? Is it possible to live without expectations? More or less everyone clings to the idea of ​​how what is yet to happen should happen. The key lies in the concept of "clinging". When we cling to an idea, we are much more likely to suffer if it doesn't materialize. But then? What to do?
The answer lies in detaching ourselves from a concrete result. For example, if we expect someone to do something for us, but they let us down, we will suffer. Therefore, if instead we remain open to the possibility that the expectation may or may not happen, we will be unconsciously considering both options.
Buddhists claim that everyone tries to be happy, but only a few discover the correct path. As we seek our happiness, we may hurt others. Even unintentionally: it is a possibility.
Buddhism prepares to accept that someone can defraud or disappoint us; to accept that our plans will not go as hoped and to accept that our expectations can fall apart, like those of a vase breaking against the floor. His teachings are so profound that accepting that something you believed may not happen is not experienced as a drama, but as a liberation.
This liberation consists in taking the reins of one's happiness and not leaving it in the hands of external events. Whoever expects nothing from an event or from another person has it all. He knows he has to evaluate (and accept) all possible eventualities. And not just the favorable one.
If our friend keeps his promise, respecting the expectation will bring us joy. Otherwise, we had foreseen it, therefore a scenario that is not at all dramatic. We must always keep in mind that we too, at least once, have disappointed the expectations of others.
Free yourself from disappointments
Let us free ourselves from the suffering caused by mental rigidity. Life, destiny, existence or whatever you want to call it, will not always reveal itself in the hoped-for way.
Many people repeat phrases such as "I never learn my lesson" or "I do nothing but accumulate disappointments, one after another". Now: how many times have you expected something from someone? The complaints and regrets add up to infinity for everything that is not going as "it should".
The crux of the matter is to understand that things go as they should go and not how we want them to go. When there is a mismatch between the expectation (often unreal or unjustified), suffering emerges.
“So I don't have to be afflicted and worry about heat, cold, rain and wind, disease, imprisonment, beatings. Otherwise my concern will only worsen my condition. "
-Shatideva-
Even so, it is obvious, we will happen to receive some disappointments, but the emotional consequences of these episodes will no longer be so painful. Furthermore, we could use the situation to our advantage. How?
On one side, we will learn to accept others without projecting onto them the expectation of how we want them to be. Secondly, if it becomes clear that their behaviors are meant to hurt us, maybe it's time to cut off relations with them.
Everything is possible
Lama Rinchen, a Buddhist teacher, says that "the possibility of things happening the way we don't want to happen is much higher than how we expect them." Using this simple aphorism, he invites us to reflect on whether we really have enough power to be able to control any situation, event or manifestation in real life.
Rinchen embraces the interpretation that anything is possible. At the same time, he suggests choosing this approach as the main one, one's own and personal. If everything is possible, we will be more likely to accept that the unexpected may arise.
“We are victims of our mental afflictions, the true enemies of peace and serenity. These afflictions - which are excessive attachment, hatred, pride, greed, etc. - were mental states that cause us behaviors that cause all our unhappiness and suffering. […] Most of our problems, and which we ultimately create ourselves, ultimately derive from those negative emotions. "
Dalai Lama
To those who expect nothing, all options seem possible. By doing this we will be more open to what might actually happen. Projecting an idea or a hope into the future can be good to fill us with energy and optimism, even though we are aware that the epilogue will almost never be aligned with expectations.
A decisive aspect to definitively eradicate the suffering that comes from frustrated expectations is to let the mind rest. As the Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh puts it: “We must learn the art of rest, letting the body and mind relax. If we have open wounds in the body or in the mind, it will be right to rest so that they can heal ”.
