Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
“Whoever loves you makes you cry”. You have probably heard this phrase along the course of your vira. Although it is true that proverbs usually get it right, on this occasion perhaps the expression should be rephrased.
“Whoever loves you will make you happy”. Why should the people we love offer us suffering and tears? This idea, actually conceived by romantic love, once again involves the almost inevitable concept of love as a synonym of suffering.
Taking into account these classic views on the concept of love and romantic relationships, we are faced with the priority of analyzing this idea for our own good, for our personal and emotional balance.
Love must never be blind, we should never throw ourselves into a relationship with an open heart, a blindfold and self-esteem in the other person's pocket.
It is necessary to build a conscious, mature and responsible love. It is important to never forget that those who love us do not hurt, that those who love us with integrity and respect will try to make us happy at all times.
The love that is built day after day makes us happy
Think of love as a little flame that you find… that finds you. It is a fire that enlightens and comforts us, but which must be revived every day so that it is maintained, so that it envelops us with greater intensity and perfection through its light, its heat, so that it makes us feel even happier.
Take that into consideration if we accept the idea that loving implies having to suffer, we will immediately be much more permissive with certain things, certain sacrifices, certain limits, manipulations and selfishness.
- We can worry about the other person and grieve for their well-being if the situation arises. However, this suffering must not lead us to voluntarily violate the couple's relationship.
- Those who today say they love and leave tomorrow and then return after two days do not love, they hurt.
- love is not made up of excuses or reproaches or ironies that try to hurt with words. None of this makes us happy nor would it come from a heart that knows respect, genuine, mature and responsible love.
- To love is to be happy with the other person's existence. To love someone is to be happy inside and to look for ways to make the other happy every day.
I object to suffering again for love
We know that there are many who have decided to close the door to love, because they are tired of suffering, because with a heart full of wounds caused by disappointment, of traces left by disillusionment and empty of disenchantment.
We all have our thorns, our pains of the past. However, love is an adventure that will always be worth fighting for, at any time of our life. For this reason, there are a few things to keep in mind:
- We must be clear that sometimes love is not eternal. For this reason, try not to give all of yourself in exchange for nothing, pay attention to your personal growth, do not put aside work, dreams and friends. Do not abandon what defines you, otherwise at some point you may lose everything.
- Love without depending: you depend on yourself, but never stop building love on every detail, to feed it with every gesture, every word. Create, but also encourage your self-esteem, your identity.
- Offer yourself with freedom and integrity, without fears, without yesterday's grudges, without insecurities that others have to resolve in your place. Be courageous and show courage for what you love; what you want is to be happy, not hurt.
- Don't look for perfect love or an ideal relationship. It does not exist: the relationship is built every day, matching your corners with my spaces, your harshness with my sweetness, my shadows with your lights.
- To truly love involves growing together in difficulties, is to love and understand, to survive with friendship, to enjoy the passion and to build a simple complicity, without artificers or falsehoods.
