Last update: December 09, 2015
"And that stupid fear of finding yourself old and without a partner,
makes you choose with your head what belongs to the heart "
(Ricardo Arjona)
You have recently ended with your partner and suddenly feel a fervent desire to start a new relationship right away. This need is the consequence of suddenly finding yourself alone.
Maybe it's not even a relationship you're looking for. Maybe you just want someone next to you, someone to share your life and intimacy with. Someone where you can find shelter from the great pain they have brought you.
It's not easy to understand why many people look for another partner right after a breakup. Maybe it's because you feel lonely, maybe empty… But most likely all of you have gone through this phase.
In this article you will find 5 reasons why it is better not to rush into looking for a partner.
1. Nail does not drive away nail
Even if we all agree on the truthfulness of this saying, sometimes there are circumstances that shake our life and make us forget it.
It is perfectly understandable that you are trying to find another person because you are flooded with loneliness, because the end of your previous relationship is hurting you or because you want to try to overcome it.
In these cases, however, it is good be careful not to act selfishly.
What are we talking about? Whether you are using this new person with the intention of forgetting the previous one.
Nobody deserves to be used. You're not really ready to start anything with anyone, so get out of your mind to look for these distractions.
Instead, take some time to be alone with your pain. Do not take refuge in anyone, savor the solitude. It will be the best time to find out who you are and what you are looking for in life.
2.An opportunity to breathe
The fear of being alone that grips you after a relationship is a feeling consequent to the fact that your life changed dramatically from one moment to the next.
You saw a future with your partner, a future perhaps idealized, but in which you were not alone and you had a person you loved next to you. But these things can happen, and they have.
Why not look on the bright side? Now that you are alone, you are given the opportunity to take a break to become yourself again.
When you are part of a couple, you tend to think about the good of both, but it is when you are alone, the uniqueness of each person emerges.
Enjoy this solitude, there is nothing wrong with being alone! Indeed, it is essential learn to be alone and not to let your happiness depend on another person.
3. Think about what has just ended
Why did your relationship end? Have you done something wrong? These questions must be answered, and it is your duty to answer them.
Something can be learned from all relationships; they are a great opportunity to grow as people, to gain experience and come out stronger.
When you find yourself alone, think about what went wrong, what mistakes you both made in your relationship. So, you will be able to understand what it is that you really want and what are the things that you absolutely will not tolerate in the next couple relationship.
But never think, for any reason, that no one will love you anymore. You have closed a chapter, but a new one will open soon, as soon as you are ready.
4. Get rid of emotional burdens
If you throw yourself into a new relationship immediately after ending one, it's easy to find yourself carrying a great load of emotion on your shoulders.
These emotions may not be a problem at first, but as time goes on, could also ruin this new relationship. Your partner will be overwhelmed by the negativity you hold inside and is beginning to surface. You have just suffered a breakup, it is normal to see a lot of things from a negative point of view.
Is this really what you want? What are you looking for? You are not prepared for a new relationship in which you would only harm the other person.
Take care of yourself, be yourself for some time. Until those loads of emotions are gone and you feel free to start a new relationship from scratch.
5. The transition from "we" to "I".
Living a relationship changes your life. Everything revolves around a "you", not a "you", which is why you feel lost in the face of a breakup.
Thinking for a long time in terms of a couple and not as a single person can lead you to forget about yourself. To the point of desperately looking for a new person.
You do not feel complete except with someone by your side, and you are afraid because you will have to find yourself again.
Find out who you are, one more time. As we have already said, you are not ready to start a new relationship. It is scary, we know, and yet it is so. It will be one more opportunity to grow.
Think about all these points and ask yourself why you can't be alone with yourself. Not knowing how to be alone is a big problem, because you won't always be in company in life.
Take advantage of each break to get to know each other better.
In this way, you will become the person you have always wanted to be.
