Last update: May 11, 2018
Trying to be the best or wanting to be somehow above average is an unmistakable sign of insecurity. Although no one has to prove anything to anyone, there are those who think they have to and act accordingly.
It is precisely the insecurity that leads us to try to prove something and justify ourselves in front of others, especially when there is a gulf between the way we see ourselves and the way we want to be seen. There is a deep desire to receive confirmation from others. Instead of feeling that you don't have to prove anything to anyone, you are invaded by the opposite feeling.
When this is the casebut let's compare constantly to others and we even hear the need to prove that we are better than them in some respects. In the end, however, we get an empty and distorted satisfaction.
“People with high self-esteem don't feel superior to others; they don't try to prove their worth by comparing themselves to others. They are fine as they are, they don't try to be better than others. "
-Nathaniel Branden-
If there is love, you don't have to prove anything to anyone
The key to everything lies in self-love. Many believe that self-love equals pride, narcissism, or arrogance. However, it's the other way around. More self-love there is, the less need to boast of being the best and to despise others.
Loving yourself means feeling worthy of appreciation, respect and esteem, in any circumstance. This means the feeling di value does not depend on external elements or even on personal results, but on oneself.
Self-love is essential. Consequently, when there is that feeling of appreciation for one's person, it is never necessary to prove anything to anyone. There is no competitive anxiety or desire to awaken feelings of admiration or fear in others. The person feels precious as he is, just by being and existing.
Being and proving to be: two different realities
Demonstrating something that is not, or that it is only partially, involves an enormous expenditure of emotional energy. The constant in these cases is internal tension. The step towards stress, therefore, is short. It is distressing when to validate ourselves we have to build and keep some sort of mask and then depend on the impact it causes on others..
Such behavior is meant to demonstrate something, such as being one way (sociable, intelligent, etc.). È It is also possible to demonstrate that you actually have certain feelings or thoughts (compassion, patriotism, love, etc.).
And, of course, in some cases try to prove that you are not in a certain way or that you do not have certain feelings. For example, when we want to show that we are not afraid and, consequently, we take reckless actions or when we want to show that we are not ignorant and try to show it to others.
All this is a consequence of the non-acceptance of oneself. Some personal aspects are rejected for neurotic reasons. This means that the reasons that cause this refusal do not have to do with sound reasoning, but with an illusory desire to "be other" in order to fulfill social, family, etc. mandates. Even if you don't have to prove anything to anyone, the opposite logic works in these cases.
A question of illusions
Underlying this constant need to prove that you are one way, to feel something or to be able to do something else, is an illusion. Unconsciously there is the illusory idea in the person that by demonstrating himself in a certain way he will get the approval of others. That approval, in turn, will help her gain the sense of personal worth she so misses.
In reality, the opposite happens. The lack of authenticity becomes an obstacle to learning to accept oneself and to be accepted. After all, masks always end up being discovered or disappearing.
You don't have to prove anything to anyone. If you feel this desire, it means that there is something broken, broken or hurt inside you. The greatest test of self-confidence and strength is to be yourself. The disproportionate need for approval only leads to a vicious circle in which one feels less and less free and precious.
