Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
It is not a question of belittling; when we say aloud “you are not worth that much and I am not worth that little,” we are not taking credit from the other person. There is talk of a game of strength in which someone is losing.
To love presupposes building a meaningful and fruitful relationship, in which every effort is rewarded. We give and receive what we deserve and this is done with freedom and authenticity.
There are those who often express to their partner the idea that they "deserve everything". And no doubt it will be so, because to love is to desire the best for this person who lives in our heart. We would do anything for our partner.
However, it is neither adequate nor healthy to emotionally hold on to the other person to the point where our own integrity vanishes. No one is important enough to be left with so little on their hands.
We invite you to reflect on this.
Don't be satisfied with little and don't want everything
Spesso in our emotional relationships we usually fall into these ideas at all or nothing. They are unions based on absolute dedication, in which there is no room for personal interests; a love that does not want half terms and that delights only in extremes.
- Neither deserves everything from the other person, because you also have the right to have your own personal corners; to cultivate one's individuality and of this personal growth that is obtained with one's own choices, without the control that some partners sometimes exercise.
- Sometimes the so-called "romantic love" popularizes this idea with all or nothing relationships. They are couples who understand love as control, as personal possession and jealousy is an integral part of the relationship.
- We don't have to aspire to have everything about the other person. Nobody owns another's life as much as you love him / her, it is simply reciprocity, a union based on a choice of two mature people who try to build a "life in common".
Don't be satisfied with little. There are no half loves, no loves of today "I love you", but tomorrow "I have to think about it". Living in emotional uncertainty generates suffering e living a relationship in which one is above the other carves shortcomings in our heart.
I want to be for you what you are for me
There is the authentic essence, the fullest and healthiest truth. I want to be for you what you are for me. We know that getting it is sometimes very difficult, it is something we all aspire to.
It is possible that all of these concepts are difficult to come by and that you see them more as an aspiration than a reality. However, there is no hope that the mind cannot dream and that our emotions do not yearn for, for this reason, we invite you to reflect on these ideas:
- Before obsessing about finding another person to complete you or who is able to fill your gaps, try to transform yourself into the one you wish to meet.
- Heal your wounds, find your balance and be architects of your life so that you can be happy with yourself and, in turn, able to make others happy.
- Avoid unhealthy attachments by which you blindly grab someone else. Don't let your happiness depend on another person's whims or mood swings.
- Nobody deserves to be loved badly, at moments, with closed eyes or at extremes (today I give you everything and tomorrow just a little).
Image courtesy of: Claudia Tremblay
