Last update: 04 March, 2016
It was a long time since I felt the precious need to share with the world, with life, that I miss you, every day more and every moment more intensely. Moments in which I would like your soul to be together with mine, as it once was, smiling, sharing that love that everyone deserves to live, but that few know how to feel.
I don't need to tell you that I know you look down on me, with your wings spread there in the sky. A sky where the stars and the sea become one. A sky where the most authentic of purities becomes habit, where you shine with all your splendor. I know you take care of me from above and I know you miss me too.
“When, in the sky, all the stars will be extinguished, when all the birds stop their flight because they are tired of waiting for you, on that distant day I will still be here waiting for you”.
-Jose Angel Buesa-
My feelings for you are eternal
I know all the feelings you have for me, because I too feel them deep inside, in my heart, which come out through every pore of my skin in the form of eternal love. From up there, from up there where you rest, from up there where you grant the gift of eternity to all of us humans who are still down here, to live and learn.
Up there where it is said, and how you show me with your memory, that everything is better. Where peace reigns and where the lights of life get brighter with every step you take. Steps you take to make me feel safe, because you miss me, because you want me to be okay.
Steps that give me that stable support I need to move forward. It doesn't matter what happens to me and what happens in my life. It doesn't matter what walls will rise along my way. You will always be there, you will always be there to guide me.
I know you don't want to run away from me because I lost you and I am aware of it from the moment you left. That moment when you spread your precious wings, those wings full of light, of love for life and for me. Those wings that have allowed us to be together, safe, in love, loved and understood.
I remember you every day
Everyone tells me to carry on, to look back only to take a run and then rush to achieve all my goals, just like you told me. However, it is difficult. Each step is an effort, because you are not there and I cannot help but want to sleep and dream that you are still next to me. A dream that I know you have too, even if you know how to wait, because you understand.
You have always understood life, its essence and its beauty. Who better than you to accompany me along the road that will help me learn to feel alive? Your song, your eyes, your beauty and, above all, your heart. Everything that, in your absence, makes me live a different reality, in which you are not tangible and in which you will never be again ...
You know what? You continue to be the first person I think of when something good happens to me, when I want to tell someone something, when I want to talk or when I need help. However, now I can only do it in my dreams, when I place my hands on my chest and feel my heart beating.
I haven't had enough time, too much time to continue enjoying life with you. And you don't know how much I regret not being a better person to you. I know that I did things well, or at least all the good that I thought possible at the time. However, it never was and never will be enough for an exceptional being like you.
I confess that now it is strange for me to be here and live life without having you next to me. It is strange to go to your room and not see you, not hear you and not be able to rejoice in the smile and joy that was born in you when you saw me. I will tell you that it is like living a situation foreign to my heart, in which I do not understand the reason for its existence.
You are my angel, my example
Even now, rest assured, because I know very well that you are still there, by my side, watching over me and accompanying me in every step I take, as you always have. For all this, you are and will always be my eternal angel. That angel of light that all of us human beings have in life and that accompanies us.
A splendid and unique being that manages to invade my soul with its memory and its essence in every moment, when I feel strong and when I am not, although it is no longer there, at least physically and in the distance, even if not I can no longer see or hear you, smell your perfume or touch you ...
From here on earth, here where I forcefully plant my feet, I dedicate all my successes to you. Every beautiful moment is for you and only for you, even if, of course, I share it with the people I love and who are still by my side. You have the power to have made me a better person, to have made me shine so much more in my heart.
For this, I owe you a million thanks, for always and eternally being the person you are. Because I always want to follow your example and become as good and kind a person as you were and as you are.
To be that angel who enlightens all of us, who continue to look towards the sky, thanking us for feeling so alive and for helping us be who we are. Because I will never, ever stop looking up at the stars and the sky. Up there where you are.
"I think if you always looked at the sky, you would end up having wings".
-Gustave Flaubert-
