Last update: Augusts 15, 2016
There are people who believe that the best relationship between mother and daughter is that of "best friends". However, this situation risks, with the passage of time, to favor the appearance of a mutual rivalry, the loss of respect, the confusion of roles and the invasion of privacy.
Children need an adult who gives them an example, who is a point of reference in terms of authority and respect, who guides them and offers them protection and support; in this way they can be emotionally stable and enjoy good mental health, elements that bring order to their existence.
"The future of a child is always the work of his mother".
(Napoleon Bonaparte)
When you see your mother as your best friend, the right boundary of the mother-daughter relationship disappears. This bond must be accompanying and education; an apparent friendship transforms him into a bond of control and over-protection towards his daughter. Consequently, it is no longer possible to build a model of respect and authority, because the mother is considered on a par with a peer.
In unhealthy and confused relationships of this kind, a high level of insecurity is created in the daughter, as her decisions are subject to the supervision and approval of the mother, who will otherwise feel betrayed. This sense of over-protection is completely harmful to the girl's personality development, as a toxic addiction is created between the two.
The different ways of being a mother
When the authority figure is not clear to the daughter, she will feel vulnerable. Self-confidence will suffer. When she has to make decisions, she will always be doubtful and self-hinder her aspiration for independence.
The fact that the mother-daughter relationship is not a friendship does not at all mean that it cannot be intimate and enriching for both of them. However, it is one thing to be friends and another to be mother and daughter; they are very different concepts. No doubt, a mother will always want the best for her daughter, but that doesn't give her the right to violate her privacy under the guise of being close to her as a friend.
It is essential to understand the origin of this phenomenon. In most cases, this maternal behavior highlights the emotional conflicts related to the addiction. Sometimes, such conflicts are accompanied by depression and the fear that the daughter will repeat the same mistakes her mother made. Then, the mother must necessarily solve these inner problems alone or with the help of an expert.
How can this relationship be improved?
Daughters know they don't have to obey their friends. For this reason, a mother must be loving, but also determined. Furthermore, a daughter does not necessarily have to know about her mother's intimate problems: this would cause unfounded fears, sadness and confusion about her relationship with her parents.
We advise you to make these reports transparent; it is important that trust is built spontaneously and not as an imposition. Otherwise, a permanent state of distress and distrust will be created, which will degenerate into a useless waste of emotions.
If the mother or daughter identifies negative aspects in the other, the best thing to do is to show it: it is not healthy to keep quiet about what can annoy. It is necessary to express oneself in an atmosphere of sincerity and respect; in this way, the relationship will be healthy and free.
What they both need to learn
The daughter, especially if a minor, must understand that there are decisions in her life that will have to be made by the mother. Imagine the madness that would be unleashed if these decisions were made by a friend. What is forgiven to a mother may not be justifiable for a friend.
Misunderstandings between mother and daughter can always be resolved; choosing the right time to do it is essential. The affection and trust paid are the basic ingredients; after that, it will be enough to add a little common sense to heal the differences or tensions that may have arisen between both.
It is important that the daughter learns to solve her problems and, in doing so, to gain independence. It is right for her to know that her mother will always be there to support her and give her advice about her, as only a mother is able to do. The girl must also understand that there are aspects of life that can remain private, that one must not exaggerate in terms of confidence, because everyone has his own personal story and his own path to follow.
And what do you think?
