Last update: June 20, 2015
In most cases, when we fail to control our anger, we regret being entangled in such a difficult situation. Because it didn't really matter that much or because we didn't want to hurt the person we love.
It is likely that, on other occasions, the reason that sparked the conflict was really important and that the reason was all on your side, but if you think about it. now that you are not in anger, you will see that all that anger was probably not worth it. Certainly the causes and reasons had their importance, but the form in which you unleashed was not the correct one.
When you get angry, you lose yourself. You are seized by your own feelings, especially by the amygdala, a brain structure in charge of ensuring our survival and which, if not controlled in time, explodes, forcing you to enter a labyrinth of feelings that confuses, blocks and it makes you extremely irrational.
The amygdala is programmed to respond quickly in the face of danger, without stopping to weigh the pros and cons, which the cerebral cortex does. This process takes place in this way because otherwise, on many occasions, we would waste too much precious time. It can be said that, if the danger is real, it is a good defense mechanism, but if it is triggered for every little thing, it can create problems: once the process is activated, in fact, a cocktail of hormones enters our blood and causes consequences. that we know well.
We don't like how we feel when we're angry, and what's more, anger puts us in a state that prevents us from doing the right thing.
What can you do?
If the other person gets angry, then distance yourself to prevent contagion, because anger is a feeling that spreads very easily.
Give your interlocutor time to pass him; each of you needs different times and the time also depends on the intensity of the quarrel. You have to understand that all those hormones that flow through his body have to be drained in a physical sense, not figuratively.
When the situation has normalized, you can talk quietly; Of course, this can only happen if the other person cares enough for you to wait, otherwise, it will be enough for you to move away both physically and emotionally.
What if you are angry? Well, in this case remember that you have very few seconds to stop the process: if you realize it just before starting to speak, you can stop. It is like jumping off a trampoline, imagine a very large one: if you take the momentum, but at the last moment you feel fear, you can put your hands away and prevent the movement. If, on the other hand, you try it halfway through, it will be impossible.
A good question to ask yourself during those seconds is: "What worries me now, will it also matter in a few months?"
We also recommend that you breathe in deeply and slowly, in order to distance yourself from the situation; try to imagine yourself as the spectator of what is happening.
And, if in the end you really fall into the pit of anger, try to isolate yourself so as not to harm others and take some time to expel all the hormones that flow through your blood. Then, when it has passed you, analyze what happened and ask yourself: "What options did I have?" In short, try to understand what you can learn from this situation for the next time, because this is what makes us progress.
