Last update: April 15, 2016
The love that is begged is not love: it is a lack of dignity and respect for oneself. Because loving someone means taking care of them and avoiding making them suffer, not causing them pain. For this you must keep yourself safe from false loves and spare yourself this pain, otherwise it means that you are not loving yourself.
Loving each other is the first step to living love to the full, so as not to fall into manipulation, mistreatment or victimization.. Probably when we find ourselves in such a situation, we think that suffering is inevitable, but in reality it is not.
Every human being is able to overcome himself, to prevent others from taking advantage of his feelings, and to evaluate which relationships are best to close, because they do not offer joy, nor serenity, much less personal growth.
The mourning of loving those who do not love us
Realizing that someone we love does not love us and saying goodbye forever, or understanding that someone is not showing us the attention and affection we deserve, requires respecting a period of personal "mourning". It requires us to carve out a personal space to dedicate to understanding what has happened to us.
Mourning for love needs reflection and overcoming, because the anguish that invades us when we realize that someone does not love us, unleashes emotions capable of devouring us from within. We feel that that person has betrayed our feelings and made fun of our ability to love.
Let's take the time to get angry, to deny the reality of the facts, to fantasize, to feel horror, to collapse, to understand which parts of us have broken and which are still intact, to recompose the feelings we feel.
All this is essential to love us, to feel important and to value ourselves. After all, qWhen we leave a "non-love" behind, we begin a process of emotional freedom that will lead us to well-being and help us say goodbye to pain.
Lack of interest destroys affection
Love must be shown, not begged for. Not doing so means submitting our capacity to love to the worst of killers: indifference. Indifference is based on the imbalance of the relationship and finds its support in the weakness of the foundations on which we have built our relationship.
There is nothing better than a continuous display of disinterest to start opening our eyes, even when we would like to close them so as not to see.
At that point we realize that not all loves are true loves, that love is not always mutual, and that to be happy in a couple it is necessary that both members laugh together, be accomplices and good lovers.
Only when there are no lies, excuses and disinterest can the soil be fertile enough to give birth to a love that bases its freedom on wholesome behavior, not abuse. Relationships that are worthwhile are those in which we have freedom of choice, those in which we feel closeness, those based on appreciation, shared time and feelings of mutual affection.
You need to love yourself and fuel your self-esteem
Nobody can make you unhappy without your permission. To build a happy couple relationship, you need to be important to yourself, love and value yourself. We have to prove to ourselves that we love each other, every day.
When we have succeeded, we will feel that we do not want someone next to us who does not show interest in us and to whom our presence is indifferent. We will not throw ourselves into the hands of that emotional killer called "indifference", who will make us suffer by dint of senseless silences and ignored messages.
It doesn't matter how many loves disappoint us, it doesn't matter if we feel we have the love of our life next to us, or if we don't believe in eternal loves. True and indispensable love is the pure love we feel for ourselves, and it is from this feeling that we can truly discern what we deserve from what we don't deserve.
