Last update: 13 March, 2015
Building a lasting relationship is a true team effort, which both must do under equal conditions in order for it to thrive. Agreeing with the observation and analysis of multiple cases, we must ask ourselves: what general characteristics does a couple that maintain a long-term bond have?
Why do we choose one person out of many?
What sentimental and physical characteristics attract us? Here, desires, biology and personal needs begin to intertwine. The experiences lived in childhood have a great weight in this regard. It is during this phase that our personal definition of the word "love" begins to form, based on how our parents behaved with each other, how they treated us and their parents.
When we look for a partner, there is always a reference to the familiar world we know, because we expect the same or different things. It is very common for the chosen person to present traits that are close to us and, at the same time, others that bring a percentage of surprise.
Then, time, patience, and one's own and extraneous observation they will allow us to understand if the pieces fit together and if the relationship works.
Failures
When you want a lasting relationship, but fail very often, there is usually something wrong with the criteria we use. In fact, what needs are you trying to satisfy? In these cases, even if the chosen partners have differences between them, the defects tend to be the same.
When the choice responds to a personal problem that has not been solved, the relationship is doomed to fail. The other person cannot solve our personal problems, we have the power to decide whether to work on them.
Another common scenario is to start a relationship knowing that we don't like some aspects of the other, but we believe that with patience, dedication and love we can change them. What you get, on the other hand, is going around for a long time around something we don't like.
Two fundamental aspects
The couple who achieve a stable relationship that allows them to learn, grow and enjoy life together, has two basic elements:
* Intellectual excitement
* Affective and physical affinity
The same evolution means that there are some moments of crisis, but they can be resolved and strengthen the relationship.
General methods for resolving conflicts
* Expose the problematic aspects without criticizing the other, in order to favor constructive, and not defensive, attitudes. Both must be free to express their emotions in a polite way.
* Remedy or avoid the problem. Do everything possible to repress the negative feelings that generate problematic situations.
* Choose the right moments to talk about important topics. This also means knowing how to control anxiety, take a step back to calm down and reflect when a discussion begins to be animated, propose to deal with a topic later so as not to do it when you are stressed or in a hurry.
* The mood it is a tool that enduring couples use to relax and resolve conflicts more easily.
Taking care of leading an interesting and independent life, not only benefits us in various ways, but helps to demonstrate that we are able to enrich the life of those who decide to accompany us in a lasting relationship.
