Last update: 16 November 2015
Psychiatrist Luis Rojas Marcos offers us the recipe to always keep love alive:
"Preserving admiration for the other person and complicity, understood as a shared project".
As with many other issues in life, if we open a debate on the question "Does love always involve admiration for the other or not?”We would get the most diverse answers. Each of us has his own personal scale of values ​​and a vision of life conditioned by his genetic background, by the education we have received and the experiences we have lived. For this, we will all give very different answers to the same question.
But it is precisely in the debate that our richness lies and it is the different opinions on these topics that make them interesting. For this reason, today we present opposite answers to this question: one is that of the psychologist and expert in couple relations Ana Villarubia, for whom love always implies a good dose of admiration; the other is that of the Spanish writer Alena KH, who writes for the blog Intersexciones, in which she talks about issues related to love relationships, and that she believes that love does not necessarily entail admiration.
The debate is open!
According to Ana Villarubia, love implies a good deal of mutual admiration, coupled with another important factor in a couple's relationship, intimacy. In fact, admiration represents the principle of what could turn into a love story, because it implies that we recognize in the other the qualities that make him unique and different from other people. It is precisely this diversity that makes our attention focus on him / her, and that the partner is an irreplaceable person for us.
But be careful: according to the psychologist, admiration must be mutual, and besides, it must not at any time imply one dependency relationship or submission. On the other hand, having a partner we admire fills us with pride, because it means we made the right choice.
If admiration is lost, then, does love also vanish? Although it is not possible to affirm or deny it with certainty, according to Ana Villarubia, if the admiration is lost, the couple can enter a phase of crisis or even break up. If we no longer admire the partner, it means that he has stopped being what he was and represented for us.
For its part, however, Alena KH states that admiration is one more ingredient in love, but it doesn't have to be necessary. The writer believes, on the contrary, that admiration could reflect a certain lack of self-esteem: precisely this, in fact, leads us to idealize the person we love, leaning on it as a stick. When the first phase of love fades, our ideal also collapses, because it was not based on reality.
According to Alena KH, time is the only factor that can determine whether there is true love in the couple or not. The latter is fundamentally based on mutual respect and tolerance, and on a scale of common values ​​shared by the two members of the couple.
These are certainly two interesting and complementary opinions.
THElove is a mystery, a puzzle that goes beyond any explanation we could give based on the chemistry that triggers it, and in which various conscious and unconscious factors intervene. But prolonged admiration over time, and not just during the first phase of falling in love, can be an important point in keeping love alive for a lifetime.
What can we do to make our partner continue to admire us?
If it were true that admiration is the main ingredient of love, as psychologist Ana Villarubia suggests, the second question we should ask ourselves is: "What can we do to make our partner continue to admire us?"
Here are some ideas that might help you:
- Love yourself. If we have a good dose of self-esteem and continue to improve and take care of ourselves both internally and externally, our partner will continue to admire us like the first day.
- Help each other. If we help each other, if we feel loved and supported, our love will continue to grow and become stronger. And our partner will continue to love us even more than before.
- Listen to yourselves. If we don't talk to our partner about what we don't like about him / her and we don't let them know, slowly in our minds the image of the person we fell in love with will get worse. Don't go to sleep without agreeing on the issues that worry you. Don't let him stop admiring you, and don't let him stop admiring him / her.
- Try to fight the habit. It sounds complicated, but in reality it is enough to surprise our partner with a kiss or go out to dinner as in the beginning. These are simple tricks that will allow you to overcome the habit and keep the admiration alive.
Undoubtedly, the first quality of true love is its being selfless and sincere. You must always keep burning that flame that has united you. Love is the best job of all when two people decide to form a team and work together to keep it.
