Last update: 02 September, 2020
There may come a time when the question arises as to whether or not it is worth continuing your relationship as a couple. Malaise, sadness, loneliness, or a feeling of emptiness can become unbearable, even with another person next to you. Well, why endure a relationship that doesn't satisfy us, where love has ended?
Looking at the situation from an external point of view, we will easily realize all the harm we are doing to ourselves. This applies not only to couple relationships, but also to friendships or family relationships: putting up with and letting the relationship precipitate, and we with it, can prove useless from an external point of view.
From the outside, everything is clearer, yet we often insist on that relationship as if nothing had happened, regardless of the suffering, the wounds inflicted and the constant criticism.
We often decide to endure a relationship even when the love is over, because we believe that it is the only thing to do. Throwing in the towel at the first opportunity is not possible, we think, because it would be an indicator of failure.
Let's delve into the reasons why a relationship is endured even if the love is over.
Once upon a time couples lasted longer ...
You have probably heard this phrase more than once, uttered by an older person or perhaps someone of your age. If we take a look at the past, it would seem that enduring a relationship, even when you were not happy, was a real merit. As if the relationship was an obstacle race to win a medal. The longer it lasted, the greater the chances of winning.
Nowadays, the number of separations and divorces has increased, many people are not afraid to say goodbye when their relationship is not working. However, on many other occasions the belief that resisting in a relationship is positive still weighs heavily. Perhaps this is due to the ideals of romantic love still in vogue, such as believing that enduring malaise is a proof of love. As if letting time go by could solve the problems. The issue is that without commitment, feelings, desire to continue and to increase the well-being of the relationship, this is doomed to fail.
What does it mean to endure?
Perhaps it is appropriate to differentiate the meanings of the term "to bear". In this case, we are not talking about the effort made to overcome a problem that has arisen in the relationship, but resigning oneself to something that should not be tolerated. This is why it is important to differentiate some situations in which trying, resisting and striving to move forward is the right choice.
- Misunderstanding in the couple. Not knowing how to communicate correctly, not listening and not being truthful can cause misunderstandings and a lack of understanding. This problem can be solved with the commitment of both or with the help of a couple psychologist.
- Sexual problems. Lack of passion, premature ejaculation, or other types of sexual problems do not have to be tacitly endured. The solutions exist, all you need is the help of a sexuality expert.
These are some examples of typical relationship difficulties and that do not necessarily imply the end of the couple, since the problem can be solved with effort and outside help. There are other situations, however, in which there is nothing left to do but to end the relationship as soon as possible.
Why put up with a painful relationship?
Continuing a relationship where you lack passion or the ability to communicate is very different than continuing a relationship where you suffer. In the first case the solutions exist, just take action to solve them. In the second case, however, it is often better to cut ourselves off, especially if our freedom and our ability to be happy are compromised.
Sometimes we persist, even if in moments of lucidity we realize that we would be better off without the other person. This dissatisfaction often translates into infidelity, mistreatment, manipulation, disrespect ... These are relationships that risk greatly trampling our self-esteem and our dignity, if they have not already done so. Yet, we continue to invest in something that is falling apart.
Sometimes we find it appropriate to endure a relationship even when it is characterized by disrespect, teasing and manipulation. Let's turn a blind eye to all this and justify it because we are very much in love, because we depend on the other or simply because we are convinced that we cannot aspire to anything better.
Why suffer for no reason?
Sometimes we endure these situations because we believe they are synonymous with love. “If it hurts, it's love”, we often hear people say in novels or songs, and maybe we ended up believing it too. But love is not this, it is something else.
If for us the relationship means torture, waste of energy, constant suffering, endure the unbearable ... can this be true love Or maybe we're just letting them hurt us?
No one with any sense seeks pain. When we unwittingly approach our hand to the fire, we immediately dodge it. Instead, when we live in a relationship that hurts and burns, sometimes we stay there, to bear.
Questioning our beliefs about love, changing the perspective we view things from, and taking care of cultivating our self-esteem are key to maintaining healthy relationships. Of those in which the verb "to bear" is not even pronounced.
Now think ... What have you come to endure in the name of love?
