Last update: October 19, 2015
Infidelity is an attack on the most sacred value that binds a couple: the confidence.
Cheating can be unforgivable, but many people manage to forgive their partner or, at least, decide to try. The fact is that, many times, it's worth trying to forgive, giving a second chance to both the person we love and our relationship. If you both decide to talk about what happened and commit, the couple may even come out of this ordeal stronger than before.
Infidelity can be due to many reasons, not always justifiable. In any case, many people prefer to forgive if they believe that the partner is truly repentant, to save the marriage and to continue the project of common life, in which there are many factors to take into account.
While it may seem easy to forgive at first, the wounds will come back over time. As the relationship progresses, they may make their appearance certain insecurities or fears, which if they have not been discussed with each other in a clear and sincere way from the beginning, can turn the process of recovering the relationship into real hell.
This is why it is important, if the other is truly repentant and you decide to forgive him, to establish a common commitment. Otherwise resentment, resentment and jealousy will return to be felt.
Forgiving a betrayal always depends on both of you. Those who have been unfaithful must be aware of the pain they have caused and sincerely repent, and the person who has been betrayed must be sure that they can forgive the other. If they both try and know they still love each other, it will be easier to get out of it.
One of the most important things to save the relationship is the communication. Talking about what happened, expressing how you feel and how you can deal with the situation are indispensable conditions for starting a period of recovery for the couple.
Tips for saving your relationship after a betrayal
- Don't make important decisions right after you find out. Wait for the first moment of anger to pass, calm down and then reflect on what happened.
- Accept the feelings of anger, insecurity, anxiety, fear, pain, sadness, etc.. Nothing happens: it's normal. And the world will not collapse because of it.
- Take care of yourself and avoid doing stupid things. Whatever happens, you don't deserve to suffer even more.
- Look for ways to relieve stress that help you to see things more clearly.
- Look for a balance, since it is the only way to be able to cope with the betrayal.
- Tears are healthy: Crying will help you release anger and tension. Let it out.
- Talk to your partner about hers betrayal. Try to clarify what happened. She may not want to talk to you at first because she will be ashamed, but at least she will understand that you want to understand and fix things.
- Seek the help of a specialist. The problem with infidelity is not the betrayal itself, but everything behind it.
- Avoid pointing fingers and blaming. Infidelity generates a serious conflict in the couple that can cause you to bring out old resentments, but this will only make the situation worse.
- Do not take revenge by betraying yourself. It won't make you happy, and it won't lead to anything good.
- Accept that your relationship will change after a betrayal. You must understand it and experience that grief as when you lost a loved one. Life goes on, and you will have to learn to live without what you have lost. This does not mean that you cannot renew and strengthen your relationship, but it will necessarily be different.
- Don't forget to think about practical matters. The economic situation, the children, etc. these are factors that can become very complicated in the event of a divorce. Sometimes it is worth forgiving to avoid falling from the pan into the fire.
