Last update: January 03, 2017
I loved you until I listened to my self-love. I dropped the blindfolds, took off my heart chains and even heels to match you. Only then did I understand: you are not the love of my life, neither of a day nor of a moment, just someone who made me believe that I am worth nothing when, in reality, I am everything.
Understanding that no one is so important as to make us feel like nothing is, of course, an act of personal revolution. An act of courage and reaffirmation of one's self-esteem that makes us worthy. However, we must admit that not everyone has this psychic and emotional strength capable of putting a limit between self-love and addiction, between dignity and renunciation.
We know that the word "self-love" is in vogue, that there are many books, manuals and courses that repeat to us, almost as if it were a mantra, that no one can establish a healthy relationship if he does not love himself first. However, even though we know the formula well, we don't always apply it correctly.
Self-love is not built only through a book or by reflecting on it. It is not a passive entity, quite the opposite. Self-love is a state of absolute self-appreciation, which grows from actions and which, in turn, builds our physical and emotional health. It is a dynamic dimension that often experiences ups and downs as well.
We invite you to reflect on this topic.
You weren't worth much, yet I gave you my entire universe
Astronomers affirm that phenomena very similar to our emotional relationships occur in the universe. Just by way of example: there is a nebula called Henize 2-428 which, seen from the telescope, fascinates for its singular beauty and its peculiar mystery. In reality, this nebula is the union of two white dwarfs, two old stars in their last phase of life, on the verge of dying.
The curious aspect of this pair is that they mutually orbit each other every four hours. They stage a lethal but incredibly beautiful dance, during which, sooner or later, they will eventually collapse. In some way, we too, without being celestial bodies, unfold this play of forces. We know that there are loves destined to be little more than the dust of a memory and, nevertheless, we feed them. We orbit around this unhealthy love, in these gravitational waves in which to hang self-esteem with a washer, so that the wind takes it away.
Maybe this love wasn't worth that much, but until we realized it, until dignity weighed more than limp, tears and addiction, allowing us to open our eyes. However, it must be clear in mind that the cult of sacrifice must not be fed. No universe can crush our individuality, our self-love, our unique and exceptional light.
The recipe for self-love
Let's visualize self-love for a moment in a very concrete way: like a skeleton, ours. It gives us support, strength, resistance and guarantees us a harmonious and correct movement to navigate our daily life. If this skeleton has a broken tibia or femur, we will need a pair of crutches or a wheelchair. We will depend.
This personal dimension needs exceptional life support. However, we know that, every now and then, it has its ups and downs, its wear and consequent pain. For this reason, it is important to take into account the components that integrate this recipe to keep it in "good condition".
Pillars to consolidate self-love
The first pillar is undoubtedly personal consistency. It is another term that many define and few apply, for which one needs, first of all, courage. By the term consistency, we refer to the need to maintain a correlation between what we feel and what we do; between what we think and what we express.
- Sometimes it is better to prioritize what you need and not what you want. For example: maybe you have ended a relationship right now. Loneliness and bitterness make you desperate and what you urgently want is to find someone to fill your emotional gaps… do you really think that's what you need right now?
- Setting limits is healthy. In English a curious term frenemies is used, which would translate as friends / enemies. It designates the people who surround us disguised as friends, but who, in reality, are harmful, they are enemies. It is vital to curb these constraints and these interactions.
- Live intentionally without accepting mince words or crumbs. Self-love needs determination, half-hearted loves are not worth it, nor are laughter during the day and tears in the evening. Even the "I love you with conditions" are not valid.
Living with intention means understanding that to be happy, you have to make decisions and do not orbit around others like a celestial body that sooner or later will eventually collapse and disappear. We must learn to dance, to shine with our own light, to have a confident voice and a worthy and courageous heart to attract what we really deserve.
Images courtesy of Chiee Yoshii, Kris Knight
