Last update: April 18, 2016
Love does not win everything, sometimes it is not enough and it is very prejudicial to think the opposite and believe it. In the name of love, many times we endure unpleasant circumstances and remain anchored in relationships far from the feeling of love.
The fear of loneliness leads us to maintain a relationship that brings us very little, which does not enrich us, but which deprives us; which causes us problems and bitterness, instead of happiness.
Sometimes we think that it will be transient or that the person will change his behavior, but most of the time this is not the case; if love is absent and not felt in the body or soul, the relationship is dead and it is time to make decisions to improve, on the edge of limiting fears.
"I don't care that you love me so much, but that you love me well and better every day"
-Walter Rice-
Love also ends
Hyper-romanticism has instilled in us very harmful and insane ideas about love and partner. He sold us, through the cinema, the songs or the poems, that it is love that gives meaning to our life, that if it is true, it will be forever, that for love you have to endure everything, etc. This is not only detrimental to our emotional well-being, it is completely untrue.
Love doesn't last forever, it's scientifically proven and it's natural. Much less does it give meaning to our life, the vital meaning is not given by external things, but by oneself with one's own interpretation of the world and one's capacity for appreciation and pleasure; moreover, one must not put up with everything for love.
Tolerating certain things from your partner is fine and healthy. As we know, no one is perfect and others will tolerate different aspects of our character as well as we should.
The problem arises when we endure certain things that go against our identity, our values ​​or our rights or simply when we notice that the other person does not care about us, does not support us, does not take care of us, thinks only of himself. Obviously, she has the right to do it and to live as she pleases, but when this happens, the relationship has come to an end and we can no longer talk about love.
It is clear that everyone loves in his own way. There are people who are much more loving and expressive than others, but there are details that cannot be ignored. Disrespect, the violation of our personal rights, attempts to manipulate or make us change the way we think, feel and live, are not negotiable. If your partner loves you, loves you for who you are and has chosen you because you are unique; it makes no sense that he wants to change, hurt or manipulate you.
After these reflections, you can think about your current relationship and observe yourself from the outside: do you smile often? Do you spend your days sulking, arguing and being sad? Are you more comfortable with other people than with your partner?
Be honest with yourself and answer all these questions.
How do I make a decision?
If you come to the conclusion that love shines from its absence, that it is no longer present, but that fears prevent you from taking a new direction, it would be convenient to think about it with a rational and practical mind and that you keep the following in mind. advice:
- Love each other. Don't let anyone treat you like you don't deserve. Nobody deserves to have a relationship where they are ignored, neglected and left to fend for themselves. However, if you allow it, it will continue to happen. The one who has to set limits, despite the fear of change, is only you and you can succeed if you learn to love and value yourself before anyone else.
- Learn to lose. Relationships do not always end well and it is a reality that happens to almost everyone in life. When this happens, don't try to force things, don't be stubborn about something you know can't work. The most sensible and intelligent thing is to learn to lose and retire with dignity.
- Play down. What's the worst that can happen to you if you end a relationship? You don't need this person. Before you met her, you didn't even know that she existed and you lived calm and happy, therefore, it is not fundamental in your life. The worst thing that can happen to you is what you are willing to accept, so you have to face the situation with serenity, knowing that you don't need anyone to be happy, much less than a real person. You alone are responsible for a dysfunctional emotional state.
