Written and verified by the psychologist GetPersonalGrowth.
Last update: 15 November 2021
If I'm important to you, tell me with your eyes. Show me that you reciprocate my feelings and convince me that ours is accomplice and real. Because being ignored every other day by the person we love most keeps us chained in a state of constant and painful uncertainty.
Conscious, mature and sincere love needs commitment. We all form bonds with the people we love: with our children, our friends and our partners. They are bonds based on a stable emotional security, which must not change according to the day, the mood or our priorities.
I don't want a love of the type "today I need you, tomorrow we will see" or "today you are everything to me, but tomorrow I will be more important and you will become invisible". If I'm important to you, give me confidence. Let me grow up with you and don't abandon me as if I were a simple pastime.
Asking them to give us security in the relationship does not mean that you want to control your partner or have an excessive need for affection. Needing security in a relationship is not synonymous with abuse, nor is requiring constant attention and demonstration.
In reality, it is a very simple thing: if I am important to you, make me part of your world, do not exclude me.
We know that it is not always easy to obtain such feedback: there are people who do not know, do not want or do not have the ability to clearly demonstrate their interest. It is therefore necessary to put into practice concrete emotional strategies, which they are based on emotional complicity, on offering a serene love to the other person and not a journey full of swerves and changes of direction.
We invite you to reflect on this point.
When I feel like I'm no longer important to you
No one can bear to live constantly in a state of uncertainty. We need a stability to grasp and a strength to believe in to proceed with serenity. We need to know that every effort, gesture, investment or project is worth it.
When I feel I am no longer important to you, my world collapses and fades into the mist of misunderstanding and despair. Even if you come back two minutes later, making fun of my doubts. This is not what I want: if you love me, you must always show it to me, not every other day.
One thing we should take into consideration is that each of us conceives and experiences love differently. Despite this, two people who are in a relationship must be able to find a balance that allows them to live in harmony. Neither must lose, the winners must be two.
We know well that it is these small emotional dissonances that sometimes trigger clashes in the relationship:
- A couple cannot always live in harmony, without crisis or discrepancies. Relationships are built by limiting these differences, reaching an agreement, respecting the point of view of the other and managing emotions to the fullest.
- Your partner may not have the same ability as you emotional communication. But remember that just because he doesn't tell you he loves you every day doesn't mean he doesn't have the same feelings again.
- Love must be perceived by both sides as sincere, a feeling that comforts us and makes us grow. If one of the two people cannot perceive it, does not experience it and does not feel it, it means that there is a problem.
It is at this point that we need to talk to our partner about it, and express our emotional needs aloud. Do not be afraid to say "I feel", "I see", "I need", "I expect from you that ...".
But love must never settle on indifference, otherwise it will lose its value. Relationships are reborn every day and are nourished by every gesture, every little detail ...
We must understand that love never ceases to require us to make an effort, even when it is deep and established. They are small sacrifices that we make at the beginning of the relationship without even realizing it, because the power of love is stronger than everything. But, little by little, this inertia diminishes and is replaced by the temptation to let ourselves go to comfort, bringing something of our own to the relationship only when we feel like it. Think about it, though:
- We can assume that the sun will rise tomorrow or that spring will follow autumn, but we can never be sure who yesterday told us to love each other he will continue to do so even if we do not take care of him, if we do not show affection to him and make him participate in our life.
- A stable and happy relationship is based on the importance of small details, of the complicity that comes from gestures, surprises, dedications. Making sure that being with the love of our life is our greatest reason for joy every day, and so it is also for the person we love.
True love does not take anything for granted, it is a love that is built every day, that surrounds itself with magic and that believes in the dawns watched holding hands. It is the relationship that I want for myself and that, if I am important to you, we can take care of it together.
