Last update: February 18, 2022
Love is made by speaking. But not speaking only with words, but speaking with our body, our attitude, our language, our gaze. Because we cannot reduce such an intense expression to a simple sexual act.
Making love means making poetry, with our body and mind, with our whole being. Because love is made with intertwined souls and bodies, united in a maximum emotional expression.
Lacan was therefore right when he said that "it is clear that it is by speaking that love is made". Love cannot be reduced to a "banal" carnal act; it is with the look, with one's own essence, with all of oneself that tenderness, mystery and the warmth of desire are transmitted.
“What I like about your body is sex.
What I like about your sex is your mouth.
What I like about your mouth is your tongue.
What I like about your language is the word ”.
(Julio Cortazar)
The eroticism behind the looks: the prelude to emotional nudity
One does not undress completely until the eroticism of the gaze goes beyond the carnal barrier. We seduce ourselves through different gestures, we connect through emotions, we wrap ourselves thanks to the labels that the etiquette of love pushes us to create.
The words, edifying in their maximum expression, bring us closer to emotional nudity, the one that can be glimpsed on the horizon, but that few couples really manage to achieve.
It is difficult to recreate this concept in a society that has received a coitus-centered upbringing. They taught us that we must make love with mere sexual contact. But this is not the case: sexual contact is only part of making love.
We usually realize this when we notice that there is something wrong, when we skip a step and something goes wrong, when we do not dialogue with the body, nor with looks, nor with caresses. So, by apologizing for our emotional needs, we communicate them emphatically.
We become convinced that the error resides in our body, when in reality we have not allowed our mind to connect with the other. We forget that foreplay has not been a matter of 30 minutes, but of hours and hours, and that it is undoubtedly much more intimate than the time, which belongs to us.
However, theorizing about love means choosing a specific type of love. It is therefore up to the reader to identify with this point of view or not.
But the reflection we want to bring you today intends to highlight the fact that making love and having sex are not the same thing. In the most absolute way. At least not in the conception of love that we share on a cultural level. Having sex can mean loving the skin of the other, but not his interiority, not his essence that goes beyond contact.
Emotional nudity: the best foreplay
Let us quote the great Lacan once again: “love is who he is meets the other by being himself”. The world would be completely different if, before undressing our body, we undressed our soul.
Because, as we have already stated, the most intimate encounter between two people is not sexual, but emotional nudity. This exchange occurs when we overcome fear and show ourselves to the other as we are in each of our facets.
It is not an easy goal to achieve. Emotional nudity is not easily reached with just anyone. It takes time, strength and desire to listen, to feel and to embrace emotions.
Listening to us, connecting and knowing our emotional heritage, or scanning the emotionality of our body, is essential to clearly see fears, conflicts, insecurities, successes and learnings.
Because we only really make love when we know our emotional philosophy, when we explore our weaknesses, when we become aware of what hurts us and what gives us life.
It is essential to contemplate the image in our emotional mirror to project ourselves into the clothes that dress us, which can be looks, words, caresses or affection. This is how love is made.
