It may sound strange, but some adults are still unable to be with themselves. This lack can lead them to fall into the abyss of emotional dependence.
Last update: 21 September, 2020
Many adults are unable to be with themselves. Loneliness makes them feel uncomfortable, constantly seeking the company of others, even when it is not of quality. We must remember that we are the people with whom we will share our whole life. This is why it is important to understand that in order to feel good, first of all you have to learn to be with yourself.
Spending time alone disturbs us, because we are not used to it. We live immersed in external noise, focused on others and disconnected from our being. When others leave, the silence appears annoying, just like the voice of our ego that we have stopped listening for too many years.
The inability to appreciate one's own company prevents us from fully knowing that wonderful human being in us. In addition to this, there is a risk of entering into dangerous relationships of addiction based not so much on love as on the fear of being alone.
When you learn to be with yourself, you are free. We can find the fullness of being only in the person who will never abandon us: us. Relationships should be a choice, not a necessityto. Constraints born from the desire to choose a person with whom to share quality time, not forced bonds that do not bring anything positive.
How to learn to be with yourself
Of course, seeking social contact and establishing relationships is a healthy and natural practice. We are social beings and we need interaction with others to keep us physically and emotionally healthy.
But it is with ourselves that we spend most of our time. Why not stop escaping us and start getting to know us? What you discover may surprise you.
Give yourself a chance
As mentioned earlier, if you are not comfortable alone, it is just a matter of habit. You haven't given yourself the opportunity to get to know each other, always surrounded by other people. It is essential to make a conscious effort to spend time with yourself. Try to ignore the initial discomfort and slowly get used to your presence.
You can start by not forcing encounters with others to avoid loneliness. When this occurs naturally, do not flee, accept it and begin to embrace the sensations it causes being with yourself.
Focus on yourself
Spesso attachment leads us to depend too much on others. We do our best to satisfy their needs and expectations, we commit all our energy and our time to their well-being, totally forgetting about ours.
Begin to regain all the time and mental energy that you normally give to others and focus on yourself. Ask yourself how you are, what you need, what you want, how you feel. Become your priority and take care of yourself first.
You may feel selfish or unnatural at first, but that's just an impression. You cannot love healthily, care for, and respect another person unless you first love, care for, and respect yourself.
Cultivate the relationship with yourself
Finally, remember the importance of cultivating a relationship with yourself. When you love someone you listen to them, you give them words of love and support and you dedicate time to them. Well, now it's time to do it with you too.
Find moments each week for a "date with yourself", moments alone in which to feel good and cultivate self-love. Take a relaxing bath, watch your favorite movie, cook a new recipe… The aim is to take the time and enjoy it.
Learning to be with yourself will be a pleasure
It is likely that you will initially discover aspects of yourself that do not particularly excite you. You may find that you still have past hurts or feel the anger and fears of yesteryear. You may be troubled, but don't run away again, don't go back to the starting point. Dare to stay by your side.
Remember that you have been hiding your feelings for years with the presence of others. Now, finally, you have brought them out into the light. Face your dark areas and work on them. When you learn to always be there for yourself, when you become your best friends and allies, life will be simpler and you will no longer feel alone.
